20 Players in the bEast (Part 1)

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The annual top 20 Players in the bEast list, as compiled by JosephR2225. Players were ranked according to a completely subjective, arbitrary and capricious standard based mostly on past performance with a soupcon of future expectations and some dart throwing. If you have any complaints about this product, they can be mailed to:

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Attn: Robert Kraft

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The list:

20. Greg Hardy – Greg Hardy is a scumbag who beat a woman. Worse than that, he is a Cowboy. He certainly should have gotten a much longer suspension than 4 games, but Roger Goodell is terrible at his job. However, when he was on the field in Carolina and not busy beating women, he was one of the game’s premier pass rushers. If he played last year, he would likely be higher on this list than 20 (but then he probably would not have been available in FA either). It has been a full year since Hardy last played in an NFL game, and it will be another month until he starts the season, so some rust may be evident. But if Hardy returns to the form he displayed in Carolina, he is as dangerous an edge rusher as there is in the league. Fuck Greg Hardy. Scumbag.

19. Kiko Alonso – Alonso followed up a stellar rookie campaign in which he won PFWA defensive rookie of the year and should have won AP Defensive Rookie of the Year by busting his ACL and missing the entire 2014 season. Early reviews on his health are very positive, so it’s not unreasonable to hope and expect he can return to form. When healthy as a rookie, Alonso was a tackling machine, finishing third in total tackles behind only Vontaze Burfict and Paul Posluszny. He also tied for third among LBs with 4 interceptions. He has great size for an ILB and can cover sideline-to-sideline, but his highest praise comes for his ability to quickly diagnose a play and attack it. Moreover, he is now in an ideal system to showcase those abilities, playing behind the Eagles 2-gap DL which will occupy blockers and let him flow to the play. Assuming he is fully recovered and stays that way, expect Kiko to shoot up this list next year.

18. Jason Pierre-Paul – This dumbass had $14.8M waiting for him based mostly on good play like three years ago. Not only did he refuse that exorbitant offer, he blew a finger off with a firework. Every day, 14-year olds are able to successfully light fireworks and keep all their digits intact. And yet still, somehow, the Giants are still anxiously awaiting him to accept $14.8M and have not rescinded the franchise tag. Go figure. At the midway point of last season, I didn’t think there was any way Pierre-Paul would be on this list, but a really strong second half reminded us of what he is capable, even if he only reaches that potential occasionally. He finished last season with a whopping 10 sacks in his final 5 games. By the way, some quotes from Lupo JPP last season: “The Eagles are 4-1 but they could easily be 0-4”; “I have one job, and that’s playing the run and getting to the quarterback.”… This fireworks thing really doesn’t seem all that surprising after all.

17. Zack Martin – If the criteria for this list was ability to perform the task assigned to you, Zack Martin would be much, much higher (as would Cody Parkey) and I expect Cowboys fans to be up in arms. As a rookie in 2014, he was one of the most dominant offensive guards in the league. Still, he just plays such a low-value position that I can’t place him any higher. Consider this: In 2013, without Zack Martin, the Cowboys rushing offense ranked 5th in the NFL in DVOA and their offensive line ranked 4th in Adjusted Line Yards. They also ranked 10th in Adjusted Sack Rate. In 2014, with Zack Martin, the Cowboys ranked 3rd in Rushing DVOA and 1st in Adjusted Line Yards, and 16th in Adjusted Sack Rate. Still, Martin was great at what he was asked to do and undoubtedly helped turn the Cowboys into a force running the ball.

16. Alfred Morris – Poor, poor Alfred Morris. The Rodney Dangerfield of running backs. Saddled with terrible coaching, terrible OLine play, terrible quarterback play… but still moves the LOS forward as consistently as anybody. Per John Keim: “In the last three years combined, Morris and Seattle’s Marshawn Lynch have an NFL-best 110 carries of 10 or more yards. And Morris is tied for second during this stretch with 28 carries for 20-plus yards. Morris is durable, tough, moves the chains and gets yards after contact.” The Redskins are expected to call more power runs in 2015, that can only be good news for Morris. Alas, with the Redskins looking like hot garbage, that’s obviously the bad news. If there is an area of his game that needs improvement, his lack of receiving ability hurts his value as a third-down back, but overall a really good if not elite RB that doesn’t seem to get the credit he deserves.

15. Lane Johnson – Lane began 2014 on suspension for Performance Enhancing Smoothies Drugs. In the four games Lane was out, LeSean McCoy averaged 2.78 yards per attempt. In the 12 games Lane played, LeSean McCoy averaged 4.61 yards per attempt. He also took a sizable step forward in his pass protection from year 1 to year 2. In terms of pure athleticism, Lane is perhaps the most athletic offensive tackle ever measured at the NFL Combine, and that athleticism jumps off the screen when you watch him play. He is consistently paving the way for running backs at the second level and beyond.

14. Jason Witten – Alas, it seems age is finally catching up with Jason Witten, who is surely one of the all-time greats at TE. But even now, lacking much of a downfield element to his game, Witten has tremendous value to the Cowboys. Last season, he had 703 receiving yards, his lowest total since his rookie year. He also averaged 11.0 yards per catch, his second-lowest since his rookie year. However, he boasted an impressive 71% catch rate, and a whopping 75% of his receptions converted first downs. The Cowboys faced third and 4-9 yds to go situations 90 times last season. 19 of those times they looked Witten’s way and he caught 13 passes for 11 first downs. Add to his chain-moving prowess the fact that he is one of the premier blocking TEs in the league and you are looking at a player who may be in the decline, but is still a very valuable weapon for the Cowboys offense.

13. Travis Frederick – Certain people mocked the Cowboys for trading back in the first round in 2013 and selective Travis Frederick 31st overall. I, of course, was not one of those people and recognized the wisdom of that move at the time. But seriously folks, the Cowboys offensive line deservedly gets much of the credit for their success in 2014 and gets unbelievable hype heading into 2015. Obviously Tyron Smith is a huge part of that, and obviously Zack Martin had a tremendous rookie season, but it’s Travis Frederick that seems to have really keyed the turnaround for a once porous offensive line. In 2012, the Cowboys ranked a dismal 22nd in adjusted line yards and 24th in rushing DVOA. In 2013, with Travis Frederick, that ranking went up to 5th in adjusted line yards and 5th in rushing DVOA.

12. Trent Williams – This ranking is perhaps a little bit low for Trent, given his ability and past production. But injuries seemed to slow him a bit down the stretch last year, probably lingering effects from the beating he suffered at the hands of a 90 lb., one-armed, one-legged surfer/shark attack victim in a bar in Hawaii. As a result, the Redskins were less successful rushing to the left side than they would ordinarily be, but in 2013 with a fully healthy Trent the Redskins called a whopping 40% of their run plays to Trent’s side (compared to the NFL average of 24%). Even despite the nagging injuries, Williams still had one hell of a season and figures to be even better in 2015 now that he is healthy and has at least a little bit more help along the OLine. He is big, athletic, and rather nasty.

11. Connor Barwin – The Eagles defensive Jack-of-all-trades. Barwin rushes the passer, plays in coverage, sets the edge, plays in space, even sometimes lines up over the slot WR to get a jam at the line. His pass rushing numbers are probably artificially inflated (many of his sacks were on cleanup duty after Trent Cole and Fletcher Cox flushed the QB), but he has a knack for following the QB and knowing where the QB is going to be flushed, getting himself into position to make plays. And inflation or not, only three players in the NFL had more sacks than Connor Barwin last year, and that’s pretty damn impressive. He also has 15 passes defensed in the past two seasons, a huge number for an OLB. He’s probably not the best player on the Eagles front seven, but given the depth the Eagles have at DL and ILB and the lack of depth behind him, he may be their most indispensable.

More brilliance to come. Check back later for the top ten.

AUTHOR

Sir Squatch

Blurry, woods living, Scotch drinking, Mythical Creature.

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