BKOB Presents: NFCW Report Card

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Greetings, Knowledge Seekers

The 2021 NFL Season has mercifully come to an end, and not a moment too soon if you ask me!! Now I get to share my abundance of Knowledge with the greatest fans in the world – the Knowledge Seekers!! This year’s postseason promises to be the least interesting playoff tournament in the history of SpikedKoolAid.com. I doubt any of you will be watching. So as an alternative, feel free to memorize these copy/pasted stats until a new season comes along!! I’m sure the next one will be much better.

Ya know, back in my day, 7 wins was enough to win this Division – and that’s the way we liked it!! But I digress.

This year I have a special treat for you all: the most detailed Knowledge Tables in NFCW HISTORY!! Aren’t you the lucky ones? Blah blah blah STATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NFCW Quarterbacks (Ranked by Passer Rating)
R Wilson – 259/400 (64.8%) 3,113 yds, 7.8 ypa, 25 td, 6 int, 103.1 rtg
G Smith – 65/95 (68.4%) 702 yds, 7.4 ypa, 5 td, 1 int, 103.0 rtg
M Stafford – 404/601 (67.2%) 4,886 yds, 8.1 ypa, 41 td, 17 int, 102.9 rtg
C McCoy – 74/99 (74.7%) 740 yds, 7.5 ypa, 3 td, 1 int, 101.4rtg
K Murray – 333/481 (69.2%) 3,787 yds, 7.9 ypa, 24 td, 10 int, 100.6 rtg
J Garoppolo – 301/441 (68.3%) 3,810 yds, 8.6 ypa, 20 td, 12 int, 98.7 rtg
T Lance – 41/71 (57.7%) 603 yds, 8.5 ypa, 5 td, 2 int, 97.3 rtg

NFCW Rushers (Ranked by Rushing Yards)
E Mitchell – 207 att, 963 yds, 4.7 ypa, 5 td, 0 fum
S Michel – 208 att, 845 yds, 4.1 ypa, 4 td, 1 fum
J Conner – 202 att, 752 yds, 3.7 ypa, 15 td, 2 fum
R Penny – 119 att, 749 yds, 6.3 ypa, 6 td, 0 fum
D Henderson – 149 att. 688 yds, 4.6 ypa, 5 td, 0 fum
C Edmonds – 116 att, 592 yds, 5.1 ypa, 2 td, 0 fum
K Murray – 88 att, 423 yds, 4.8 ypa, 5 td, 12 fum
A Collins – 108 att, 411 yds, 3.8 ypa, 2 td, 0 fum
D Samuel – 59 att, 365 yds, 6.2 ypa, 8 td, 0 fum
T Lance – 38 att, 168 yds, 3.7 ypa, 2 td, 1 fum

NFCW Receivers (Ranked by Receiving Yards)
C Kupp – 145 rec, 191 tgt (75.9%), 1,947 yds, 13.4 ypr, 16 td, 0 fum
D Samuel – 77 rec, 121 tgt (63.6%), 1,405 yds, 18.2 ypr, 6 td, 4 fum
T Lockett – 73 rec, 107 tgt (68.2%), 1,175 yds, 16.1 ypr, 8 td, 0 fum
C Kirk – 77 rec, 103 tgt (74.7%), 982 yds, 12.8 ypr, 5 td, 0 fum
D Metcalf – 75 rec, 129 tgt (58.1%), 967 yds, 12.9 ypr, 12 td, 1 fum
G Kittle – 71 rec, 94 tgt (75.5%), 910 yds, 12.8 ypr, 6 td, 2 fum
A Green – 54 rec, 92 tgt (58.7%), 848 yds, 15.7 ypr, 3 td, 0 fum
B Aiyuk – 56 rec, 84 tgt (66.7%), 826 yds, 14.8 ypr, 5 td, 1 fum
V Jefferson – 50 rec, 89 tgt (56.2%), 802 yds, 16.0 ypr, 6 td, 0 fum
*O Beckham – 27 rec, 48 tgt (56.3%), 305 yds, 11.3 ypr, 5 td, 0 fum
* – 7 games started for LAR

NFCW Pass Rushers (ranked by Sacks)
N Bosa DE SF – 52 tackles, 15.5 sacks, 21.0 tfl, 1 pd, 0 int, 4 ff, 0 fr
A Donald DT LAR – 84 tackles, 12.5 sacks, 19.0 tfl, 4 pd, 0 int, 4 ff, 0 fr
C Jones LB AZ – 41 tackles, 10.5 sacks, 12.0 tfl, 4 pd, 0 int, 6 ff, 1 fr
M Golden LB AZ – 48 tackles, 11.0 sacks, 10.0 tfl, 1 pd, 0 int, 4 ff, 2 fr
L Floyd LB LAR – 70 tackles, 9.5 sacks, 7.0 tfl, 3 pd, 1 int, 1 ff, 1 fr
C Dunlap DE SEA – 34 tackles, 8.5 sacks, 8.0 tfl, 7 pd, 0 int, 1 ff, 0 fr
R Green DE SEA – 48 tackles, 6.5 sacks, 6.0 tfl, 4 pd, 0 int, 1 ff, 0 fr
D Taylor DE SEA – 38 tackles, 6.5 sacks, 7.0 tfl, 1 pd, 0 int, 1 ff, 0 fr
A Key DE SF – 22 tackles, 6.5 sacks, 5.0 tfl, 1 pd, 0 int, 0 ff, 0 fr
*V Miller LB LAR – 31 tackles, 5.0 sacks, 12.0 tfl, 1 pd, 0 int, 1 ff, 0 fr
* – 8 games started for LAR

NFCW Linebackers (ranked by Tackles)
J Brooks LB SEA – 184 tackles, 1.0 sacks, 10.0 tfl, 5 pd, 0 int, 0 ff, 1 fr
B Wagner LB SEA – 170 tackles, 1.0 sacks, 3.0 tfl, 5 pd, 1 int, 1 ff, 0 fr
F Warner LB SF – 137 tackles, 0.5 sacks, 7.0 tfl, 4 pd, 0 int, 1 ff, 3 fr
J Hicks LB AZ – 116 tackles, 4.0 sacks, 7.0 tfl, 5 pd, 0 int, 1 ff, 2 fr
I Simmons LB AZ – 106 tackles, 1.5 sacks, 4.0 tfl, 5 pd, 1 int, 4 ff, 0 fr
A Al-Shaair LB SF – 102 tackles, 2.0 sacks, 9.0 tfl, 5 pd, 1 int, 1 ff, 2 fr
T Reeder LB LAR – 91 tackles, 2.0 sacks, 6.0 tfl, 4 pd, 0 int, 0 ff, 0 fr
L Floyd LB LAR – 70 tackles, 9.5 sacks, 7.0 tfl, 3 pd, 1 int, 1 ff, 1 fr

NFCW Defensive Backs (ranked by Interceptions)
Q Diggs S SEA – 94 tackles, 0.0 sacks, 1.0 tfl, 7 pd, 5 int, 0 ff, 0 fr
T Rapp S LAR – 94 tackles, 1.5 sacks, 2.0 tfl, 5 pd, 4 int, 0 ff, 1 fr
J Ramsey CB LAR – 77 tackles, 0.0 sacks, 9.0 tfl, 16 pd, 4 int, 1 ff, 1 fr
B Murphy CB AZ – 64 tackles, 0.5 sacks, 0.0 tfl, 12 pd, 4 int, 1 ff, 1 fr
J Thomson S AZ – 121 tackles, 0.0 sacks, 3.0 tfl, 7 pd, 3 int, 0 ff, 0 fr
B Baker S AZ – 98 tackles, 2.0 sacks, 6.0 tfl, 7 pd, 3 int, 0 ff, 1 fr
J Adams S SEA – 87 tackles, 0.0 sacks, 4.0 tfl, 5 pd, 2 int, 0 ff, 0 fr
D Reed CB SEA – 79 tackles, 0.0 sacks, 0.0 tfl, 10 pd, 2 int, 0 ff, 1 fr
J Ward S SF – 77 tackles, 0.0 sacks, 1.0 tfl, 6 pd, 2 int, 0 ff, 0 fr
J Fuller S LAR – 113 tackles, 0.0 sacks, 1.0 tfl, 5 pd, 1 int, 0 ff, 0 fr
J Norman CB SF – 49 tackles, 0.0 sacks, 3.0 tfl, 5 pd, 1 int, 7 ff, 0 fr
J Tartt S SF – 66 tackles, 0.0 sacks, 5.0 tfl, 1 pd, 0 int, 0 ff, 0 fr

That is an uncomfortable amount of Knowledge, my friends. Take your time – really soak it in – and then let’s move on the the NFCW FINAL GRADES

LA Rams:
Never has an NFCW Division winner been more pathetic than these so-called Rams. They have brought eternal shame to this Division and its fans. As an unbiased sports journalist, I’ll be happy when they lose. The real Matt Stafford finally stood up as the season progressed and delivered a series of ridiculous interceptions that single-handedly sent the putrid 49ers to the playoffs. This is an unforgiveable sin, and I think I’m going to throw up. I hope you’re proud of yourself, k1.
Final Grade: F-

AZ Cardinals:
Flaccidly limping into the post-season for the first time ever, Kliff and Kyler were unable to complete their late-season collapse within the allotted 17-game schedule this season – but it wasn’t for lack of effort. The Pitiful Arizona Cardinals lost 4 of their last 5 games, with 3 of those losses coming from non-playoff teams. How embarrassing. Their only hope this week is that they’re playing against a Lion in Rams clothing: Stafford is 0-3 in the postseason with a Playoff Passer Rating of 87.8. One of these QBs is going to finally win a playoff game, but no matter the outcome it will be a tainted victory.
Final Grade: -200 below .500

SF 49ers:
The Putrid 49ers managed to steal a playoff spot via scheduling fluke. They needed the NFL to add a 17th game, PLUS a full overtime period – but Matthew Stafford would not be denied his game-losing INT. I doubt the 49ers will make much noise in the playoffs, but even if they do they will ultimately be judged by how they fared against their non-Ram Divisional Rivals. And we all know what that means…
Final Grade: 0-2

SEA Seahawks:
In the NFL, it’s all about getting hot at the right time. And the Mighty Seattle Seahawks are the hottest team in football right now! I certainly wouldn’t want to play against them this week! Fortunately for the NFC playoff teams, they won’t have to worry about that. The Seahawks were denied a playoff spot due to a technicality. Apparently, when the NFL expanded the playoffs to 14 teams, they DIDN’T mean the Top 14 in each Conference. This a huge fiasco for the league, and I’ll be sending a series of angry letter-bombs to Danny O’neil’s house. Either way, their current 2-game winning streak is tied for the longest in the NFCW, and I anticipate that momentum to carry over for the next decade or so as they try to get this dynasty back on track.
Final Grade: Incomplete

And now my final thoughts:
SpikedKoolAid.com is a special place for weird people. Part of the fun of being a sports fan is you get to act like a child for a few hours while your team is playing. In our case, we’ve been able to stretch those “few hours” out to almost a decade. That’s a mighty long time. If you’re lucky, you only get a handful of decades on this earth. I’m glad I have found this playpen full of emotional toddlers, like myself, who can handle a bit of good-natured ribbing. I do so love to laugh. I appreciate all of my Knowledge Seekers, and it is my genuine hope that we all get to be here together next season – sharing the joy, laughter, and the agony of being a sports fan.

And for good measure, here is a Pie Chart, brought to you by the fine people at the Schwan’s Company. Schwan’s: Our Passion is Food.

Thanks for reading, Knowledge Seekers. I will see you next season – Same BKOB time, same BKOB channel!!

AUTHOR

BKOB

A Golden Boner Award Winning Journalist, known for his perseverance and bravery. An inspiration to us all.

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