835 425 chriskeal

    With all the media hysteria surrounding the Cardinals, Josh Rosen, Kyler Murray and the #1 overall pick, I have taken it upon myself to analyze this situation thoughtfully, logically and without bias. Every asshole with a twitter account and aspirations of being the next Adam Schefter have all chimed in with their “sources” and “hot takes” which more than likely amount to making some shit up and hoping they are right or falling victim to strategically placed misinformation which they then gleefully parrot to the gullible masses. This all ends now. Oh and also,… SECURE THE BAG.

    The Cardinals will keep Josh Rosen because:

    • He is not 5’10”
    • He is not 195lbs.
    • He is not a little piece of shit.
    • Reminds me of Jay Cutler (my personal hero)
    • Cares about the oceans
    • Has proportionally correct arm length
    • The Cardinals have already paid Rosen the majority of his rookie contract and will have 17.5M in additional dead cap space if they trade him.
    • Quinnen Williams is the best player in the draft.
    • The Cards have the 1st pick in the draft.
    • The Cards thinnest position group is interior defensive line.
    • Picking Murray #1 overall is a massive reach especially for a team that picked a QB in the top 10 last season.
    • Rosen can’t be fairly evaluated after last year’s epic shit storm and giving up on him this quickly could be a massive blunder.
    • The Cardinals hired Kingsbury specifically to work with Rosen and Kingsbury took the job with that understanding.
    • The majority of the QB’s Kingsbury coached in college were not mobile QB’s. That belief that his system requires a mobile QB is a huge misconception.
    • The Cardinals hired Aaron Rodgers’ former QB coach to also work with Rosen. Terrible hire if they were planning on drafting Murray. Great hire if they are planning on sticking with Rosen.

    The Cardinals will not draft Kyler Murray because:

    • He is 5’10”
    • He is 195lbs.
    • He is a little piece of shit.
    • Does not even remotely remind me of Jay Cutler (my personal hero)
    • Does not care about the oceans and probably can’t even swim
    • Has the shortest arms in the history of the NFL for ANY position group. Gross.
    • If he struggles at the NFL level (he will), he will run off to MLB and leave the team that drafted him looking like fucking morons.

    The Cardinals will draft Kyler Murray because:

    • They would then have a 99% chance of having the #1 overall pick again when the QB from Clemson declares. This is the only upside.

    I would now like to thank myself for breaking this down so succinctly. You’re welcome. #YANGGANG




    All stories by: chriskeal

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