It was a hot and dusty day in Las Vegas, just like every other fucking day in that shithole, and I was wandering just off the strip, drunk out of my mind. As I walked along, I noticed something moving off in the distance. A quick glance showed me a sorrowful sight. I saw a boi, crawling out of the desert. He was the skinniest man I had ever seen, with a middle eastern look, and teeth like a picket fence with a few posts kicked out.
I walked up to him, and he gasped, “Please sir, I need some water. I think I’m dying”. Unfortunately I was fresh out, but thinking quickly, I pulled out my hulking member. Thankfully, in my drunken state, I had quite a supply of bubbly golden liquid, and the young boi was quite grateful as he gulped down my frothy, life giving golden stream. He didn’t waste a single drop, and in fact seemed disappointed when I finally ran dry. With his thirst taken care of, he told me the tale of how he ended up in the desert alone.
Apparently he had been chasing his cheating ex and her new older lover into the desert, in a homicidal rage, when the sight of her giving him some deep throat road head had caused him to lose control, and crash into a sand dune. He had barely made it back to the edge of town, and was on the verge of death, when I saved his life with my piss. He told me his name was “Nathan, but you can call me Kevin Spacey fluffer in Vegas” which I did from that point on. He was so grateful, he invited me to his home, where over the course of a drunken evening, I had sex with his mother and punched his father in the bean bag.
So, In summation, Patrick Mahomes got lucky, and is a low rent Colin Kaepernick knockoff who sounds like a homosexual Kermit the frog, and looks like Eric Andre’s little brother. Also, Vegas drank my piss.