FREDEMPTION SONGS,.. ALL I EVER HAD
Welcome back, SKAnatics! Shut the office door and turn the blinds, we are going to waste more of your boss’s time, it’s Frednesday again! (roars) (tomatoes fired)
This week on Fredemption Frednesday we examine DPI rules in Seattle, we wonder if LA will get an NFL team before Las Vegas, we ask BMT if he can play defensive line for the Santa Clarita 4Xers, and we marvel at the fact that the Arizona Cardinals scored 4 offensive touchdowns in a single game. If your week was plummeting the pitch darkness of the bottomless pit, well it all turns around now as we cry out to our cis-lord Keal for FREDEMPTION!!!
FALCS 27
ADDRL 26
RW blew his knee out. Bad news is it was business as usual otherwise; Sherman cheated, seattle fans won and cried about it still cuz they knew they cheated again. This week they also elected their 2009 practice squad to the HOF. Each inductee received a little golden pill with a winky face on it.
4Xers 16
Bills 45
Bills rushed for 312 & 4, on 44 carries, with a long of 44. I don’t really know what else happened. ColoX lost control of the football once, it flew about 40 yards downfield like a quackie duck looking RW bail out for short guys, but somebody on the 4Xers caught it and scored, That was the end of that. ColoX scrambled for 66 yards, but then he got sacked 3rice for -20 yards. He complained it was becuz people were black. Hyde fell off the wall and Jed’s minions are gluing him back together again. Jim Harbaugh was spotted on the chain-gang at a local highschool game. Witnesses report seeing he was absolutely laughing his gottamned ass off.
ARI 28
Jets 3
Cards practiced against the Jets on MNF, or something like it. Don Johnson ran for 111 and 3. Tubbs wore Jerry Curl. Carson threw a TD on a play which tore his hamstring, holding his historically leading ratio of catastrophic injuries to TD passes at 1:1. He makes his mom sad. Fitzpatrik threw 11 interceptions. That could be not for that game but his season total to this point. (The Fredemption Stats Dept (silent bob) has just notified me: “he could do it.”)
DET 31
LAC 28
This titanic clash of sinkers happened under the eagle eyes of referee Jerome Boger and a shitstorm of ratings killing yellow flags. Booger entered Monday night leading the NFL in penalties per game, at 20.2. He rallied hard for 13 in the 1st half alone, then 23 total in the game. He iced his whistle lips, postgame. In other news, Gurley got stopped on 4th & 1 from the 1. Which was not good for points.
ROUNDUP
Rams are 3-3 which is basically undefeated for Fisher, and since the LAClams beat Seattle AND Ariz – but lost to us 28-0, that means Jeff Fisher is popping champagne and 4Xers are #1 in the division! Back on top. We run this B! What’s more, since Seattle is now #2 in the power rankings, this means 4Xers are #1 in the NFL as well. Huh, would you look at that…. little footballs!
RIOT INCITEMENT
Michelle Obama’s mom got to live like a queen in the White House, but you and i are going to pay her $160,000 every year for the rest of her life – for babysitting her own granddaughters [while Obama defiled the White House marriage bed for 8 years].
An intriguing Ministry of Finance (MoF) report circulating in the Kremlin today says that elite Western bankers were “stunned/bewildered” a few hours ago after the Bank For International Settlements (BIS) registered a $1.8 billion transfer from the Clinton Foundation (CF) to the Qatar Central Bank (QCB) through the “facilitation/abetment” of JP Morgan Chase & Company (JPM)—and for reasons yet to be firmly established. Speaking of bug-out plans, ya’ll best git canned food or Jesus. Unless you got 1.6 BILL in a false foundation booty, in which case you should begin seeking asylum in Arabia.
Welp, boys and gal of greater SKAsia, until next week. Remember, the worse your week gets, the greater the coming Fredemption!
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SFC: Relaxed and Recharged
1st!!! (Just like the Seahawks)