EDITOR’S NOTE: No idea where this came from,.. if one of our users wrote it or if it is actually a comment from somewhere else,.. but it’s pretty great regardless. Then again, none of you read these anyways so I guess we have a “If a tree falls with no one around, does it make a sound?” scenario… ENJOY!
Welcome to the Monday Morning BM,, just a word of warning your probably not prepared to handle the strong football takes and barrelfire NFL truths that you never knew your Mondays were missing. This column is written for and by a REAL fan of the NFL. Its designed to be read on your Monday Morning commode break after a long Sunday eating bad-for-you food and drinking beers. If you care more about SPELLING then you do about TELLING theres the door because this columns not for you.
Well I guess this is where the rubber meets the road. Patrick Willis is “retiring” which is ironic because instead of jacking people up hes been looking flat and hasnt had a Good Year in a while. Im frankly disgusted by him walking away from the game so early- I’ll call it what it is- he’s a coward. If your a Elite NFL player you shouldnt be aloud to decide when to retire. At some point your career becomes more about other people then about yourself and the fact that he cant understand that I want him to play football is selfish. What if every player retired at once, then what? Hes being a hypocrite.
Willis is essentially bullying himself out of the NFL and the league needs to come hard on him. You cant supsend Richie Incognito for making Jonathin Martin want to quit, and then turn around and just let Patrick Willis force himself into retirement- its the exact same thing. Do we need Ted Wells report into this process because if we dont then whose to stop other players from retiring before the fans want them to? Who knows why exactly hes retiring but I cant help anticipate maybe hes gonna start his own rap label in which case good riddants- I want a Mike Linebacker not a Mic Linebacker. Heres a rhyme for you- Roses are red/Violets are blue/ your a leader who quit/ just like you know who.
So hes been a rookie of the year, a all-pro, and he played in a superbowl,, folks this guy reached his 3 goals and called it a day I call him Hattrick Willis. Maybe the thing I will remember the most about Willis is when he played for a whole season with a broken hand. He had one arm wrapped up in such a big ugly cast Im suprised Rob Schneider didnt weasel his way into it.
Via the Bay Area Sports Guy, there are rumors swirling that Willis is retiring because he had “a religous awakening” which I can only assume means that he thinks hes Jesus Christ, but maybe someone should remind Patrick that even Christ himself wated until he was 33 years old to quit on his teammates. Think about it.
You think Ronny Lott would of retired because of a religious awakening? Hell no, if Ronny woke up one day thinking he was Jesus hed cut his own foreskin off and get back out there. Now Im not saying that Willis isnt Jesus because frankly it woudnt suprise me if the second coming was in the form of a NFL football player just so God could rack up a couple superbowl banners before armageddon, but I do know that he’ll be a coaches son and he will be adamentley against cross-fit. Willis just dosent fit that profile at all, and I really think hes going to regret being so hasty with his decision making.
Lets play devils advocate here and say that Patrick Willis is actually god. Fair enough, I’ll let you have that point. But woudnt God want to stick around and be a locker-room guy instead of a quitter like Judas? Its called being ReligioUS, not relig-ME.
The real problem here is that if we let athletes just start deciding when there ready to retire then whats next- having independent physicans determine if a players injured? Its a slipper slope. The NFL has done a wonderful job in making sure that NFL players can pretty much be cut at any time for any reason, but the CBA falls wofully short when it comes to making sure players cant quit just because they feel like it. Im not advocating slavery but I think we can come to a understanding where players should be forced to work untill there bodies break down or like a Fireman-Ed type fan in the stands gives a thumbs-up or thumbs-down to determine whether a longtime veteran should be aloud to live after a injury or a boneheaded play.
Now all this said I actually am a great admirer of Patrick Willis I just dont think he should be able to do things that I dont want him to do. Theres no denying that he was the best thing to ever come out of the state of Mississippi which is like choosing the best Woody Allen film, but nonetheless Willis is ranked number 2 on the states most valuable exports just behind the total retail value of all Brett Farves penis-pump mail-in rebate certificates.
If theres one thing we can all acknowledge its that the 49ers went from perrenal contender to just a absolute clowncar of a football team in literally under 3 months. Thats Cleveland level effeciency folks. Heres what San Francisco has done since January if your keeping score:
Losses: Mike Iupati, Patrick Willis, Justin Smith, Frank Gore, Jim Harbaugh, Michael Crabtree,
Gains: Jay Mariotti
Your move Fukushima.
