NFC East Week 5 Obser….ah fuck it we suck…

    610 343 Sir Squatch

    It’s kind of comforting to be back where we belong. The NFCE had teams in 2016 and 2017 go 13-3 and earn the #1 seed in the NFC, so we didn’t have any weeks like this. There’s a comforting familiarity – nostalgia, perhaps – with seeing our pitiful teams go 0-4 for the first time since Week 15 of 2013.

    Redskins – That was awful all around. I thought this year the Redskins were primed to break out of the rut of mediocrity, but through four games that looks to be where they are. Again. Two convincing wins; two ugly losses. I thought at the beginning of the season this team had a chance to push for 10-6 or so, but they look like the same 8-8 team most people thought they were. And Monday night continues to be an abject disaster for the Redskins. Since 2000, they are now 5-21 on Mondays. I only watched the first half, but the lone bright spot was Da’Ron Payne.

    Side note: The only thing worse than getting your doors blown off on Monday night is getting your doors blown off on a Monday night in which Drew Brees sets the all-time passing record. This one is going to be shoved in their faces all week.

    Cowboys – I don’t think Jerry believes his team is a contender. That’s pretty shocking, because that senile nitwit alwaysbelieves his team is a contender. This isn’t a team in need of a shot in the arm or a shakeup, I think this is a team biding its time until the offseason brings some sweeping changes. If I’m guessing, I would say Scott Linehan gets fired (or promoted in that weird way that Cowboys promote guys instead of firing them) and Jason Garrett takes the offense over for the final 8 games, coaching to save his job. He won’t be successful.

    Eagles – If you woke up from a coma with no knowledge of the 2017 season and watched the Eagles first five games of 2018, you would guess this team is headed to 6-10 and a top ten pick. The OL play has been particularly dismal and the pass rush is a half-tick slower, which has exposed the secondary. This team is still the favorite to win the division, but the Eagles DO need a shot in the arm. Something more drastic than replacing Stefan Wisniewski with Isaac Seumalo. The obvious candidate is Jalen Mills, and the restructure of Fletcher Cox’s contracts strongly indicates they are looking for some outside help.

    Giants – Since 1994, there have been 93 field goals attempted beyond 60 yards. They are good 18.3% of the time. There have been five 60+ yard field goals made in the final minute of the 4thquarter. For the Giants to lose on 60+ yard field goals in back-to-back seasons is hilarious. That offense was moving the ball well for most of the day, but had some ugly turnovers (including a special teams play that should be set to Benny Hill music).Then Graham Gano crushed their souls.

    Standout performancesGood

    Da’Ron Payne – mentioned above. Made some standout plays in the first half. I didn’t stay up for the second half. It seems to have not gone well.

    Jaylon Smith – The best game I have seen him play as a pro.

    Odell Beckham – He’s kind of a fixture on this list. Due respect to Antonio Brown, but Odell is the best WR in the NFL.

    Standout performancesBad

    Josh Norman – BENCHED! And owned on Twitter

    Jason Garrett – The decision to punt on 4th and 1 is bad. The explanation is worse. Punting is the risky play, stupid.

    Jalen Mills – There were times Kirk was in trouble he would just lob a prayer to Mills’ side. It always gets answered. Teams have figured him out. The Eagles need to adjust.

    AUTHOR

    Sir Squatch

    Blurry, woods living, Scotch drinking, Mythical Creature.

    All stories by: Sir Squatch