Oliver Knows Football and Other Things: Week 5

Oliver Knows Football and Other Things: Week 5

Another week of football means I know more about this season than I did last week. Lots to cover, so let’s get to it.

Another week of surprises.

Every season in unpredictable at the very beginning, but this one is the most unpredictable I’ve ever seen. The Patriots lost at home again, the Falcons got smothered by the Bills, and the Titans were completely obliterated in Houston. Even the Jets won again. I’m 13-19 in my last two weeks of picking games and the knockout pool has only about half the people left. What the fuck is happening here?

The Rams are as for real as it gets.

I considered them the best team in the division last week until proven otherwise. I did not consider them to be one of the best teams in the NFL. Consider me wrong. The Rams were 2-1 after feasting on plebs like the Colts and 49ers, but taking down the Cowboys on their home turf is a tall order for anybody. Nonetheless, the Rams managed to to outlast Dak Prescott and the Cowboys in Texas and prove all doubters wrong. With the huge win, they improved to 3-1 and showed that teams should take them seriously from here on out.

The 49ers keep finding ways to lose.

The 49ers were outlasted by the Cardinals in overtime, dropping them to 0-4 this season. They are one of four teams still winless this season, and have lost to every team in the NFC West in the process. Brian Hoyer has been a joke and their receivers even more so. Their defense is young and has collapsed at the worst possible times, including last week in overtime. One silver lining is their last 3 games have been decided by 3 points or less, so they have at least been competitive, unlike last year. Still, they are 0-4 and will need to find a way to turn field goals into touchdowns if they are to have any hope winning games.

Major problems in the desert

The Cardinals managed to beat the hapless 49ers to improve to 2-2 on the season. Both their wins have been in overtime against really bad teams, while both their losses have been by double digits. The Cardinals are lucky to be at .500, as their offensive line is atrocious and they have zero running game to speak of without David Johnson. The schedule does not get any easier, and with their terrible flaws on offense, this has the makings of a long season.

Signs of life in the Pacific Northwest

The Seahawks finally got a big game out of Russell Wilson and their defense, as they improved to 2-2 with a 28 point win over the Colts. Yes, it is the Colts, so Seahawks fans should temper their excitement, but they should feel good finally seeing a team remotely resembling the team that made back to back Super Bowls. With the emergence of the Rams, the Seahawks will have little room for error if they want to repeat as division champs, but they could be much worse off than they currently are.

Huge showdown in Los Angeles.

The Seahawks have won the NFC West in 3 of the last 4 seasons, while the Rams have not won the division in over 13 years. The seasoned vets versus the up-and-comers. A Seahawks win would prove that they are still a dominant force within the division, while a Rams win would give them a 2 game lead in the division and cement their status as favorites to win the NFC West. The Seahawks have lost 4 of 5 on the road against the Rams, so they will likely be underdogs. Still, both sides have a lot to prove, so we’ll see which one gets the upper hand.

Fantasy Enemy #1

Keal is about to get smacked.

Week 5 KO Pool Pick

The Eagles. They are much better this year and the Cards are much worse. Philly’s front seven will have a field day against the Cards’ beat up line.

Game of Thrones theory of the week.

Bran might be the Night King. This one made me laugh so hard I almost shit myself. Zero chance.

Recommended TV show you should watch if you haven’t already.

Vikings is an awesome show on the History Channel and Hulu. If you like old school violence and Nordic history, you will love it. If you don’t like those things, you are a faggot fag.

Picks:

Patriots over Buccaneers 34-24

Bills over Bengals 26-20

Jets over Browns 10-6

Panthers over Lions 28-20

49ers over Colts 27-17

Titans over Dolphins 17-10

Giants over Chargers 26-20

Eagles over Cardinals 42-17

Steelers over Jaguars 24-17

Raiders over Ravens 16-12

Rams over Seahawks 23-7

Cowboys over Packers 34-31

Chiefs over Texans 23-17

Bears over Vikings 20-17

 

Enjoy the ride yall.