Olympic National Park Hike: A Yelp Review

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Was invited to a 30-40 mile group hike over 6 days along the beaches of Olympic National Park and then the Hoh Rain Forest.

Day 1: We stayed the night in a trap-house disguised as a motel in preparation for our journey. I was in my element. Trip highlight.

Day 2: I was told this would be an, “easy, mostly flat hike”, I thought to myself as I climbed up the side of a cliff holding a rope… Interesting development. We arrived at camp on the beach in the late afternoon/evening. I was catatonic for close to an hour. After that I retired to my tent early and sobbed silently into my inflatable camping pillow.

Day 3: We saw a dead whale on the beach. Sad. For some irrational reason I blame Trump for this tragedy. Now it’s on to beach hiking, cliff climbing, beach hiking, cliff climbing, Rinse. Repeat. At this point I am ignoring the beautiful scenery and contemplating whether or not my health insurance covers helicopter evacuation.

Day 4: Our camp host tells me the worst is over from a difficulty standpoint and it’s smooth sailing from here on out. This makes me feel good. We then proceeded to the “boulder scramble” which was roughly an 1/8th mile hike over LazyBoy sized boulders at the shoreline. I was sad that I was not able to bring my knife on the plane so I could kill myself.

Day 5: We have survived the beach. We move onto the Hoh river portion of the adventure. We stop for real food and stock up on beer. This trail is WAY more my speed. Nice and flat for the most part. Our campsite is amazing. I loosen up. I party. This is good.

Day 6: We hike back out to the trailhead and spend our last night at a campsite with a grill and bench. We cook burgers. We smoke. We drink. We listen to Taylor Swift’s latest banger. Glorious.

Summary: Hike was WAY harder than I had anticipated or expected. That said, after accomplishing it I felt really great and was stoked to hang out with some old friends.

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