Arguing with Knut is like:
Politely asking a mosquito to not bite you.
Playing tongue hockey with a Great White.
Pissing into a 50 mph wind, while on your boss’ boat, with him directly behind you.
Teaching a T-rex how to hug
Asking MFA the truth….about ANYTHING
Convincing Zippy that Ronald Reagan was the best President in history.
Recording the game and realizing it went to overtime and you forgot the “extended record” option
Trying to convince your wife to fuck the day after she gives birth
Getting poison ivy between your toes
Watching your waiter sneeze on your salad
Watching Lisa and ReTodd try to dance the dance that shall not be named – I am secretly sure that they have mutually masturbated on facetime WHILE ON THE BOARD
Munkey telling MFA what a pussy REALLY feels like
Tribe raping you with 6 alternate accounts because you might have said Aldon Smith may, just may have a slight drinking problem
Poor Gatrbuc showing up looking for just a hint of action, because nights can be long – both in Montana AND as a Buccaneers fan no matter where you live.
It’s like being the snake in Keal’s “rattler video”..getting beat over and over and over and over and FUCKING CHRIST MAN, CAN”T YOU FUCKING FINALLY FINISH ME OFF WITH THAT SHOVEL???? FUCK!
It’s like 4905 being pissed at anyone that is upset at Jed York
It’s fucking WORSE than a 30 day Fantasy Football Draft…Thanks BATTLES…you fuck…and fuck you for having a full head of hair
It’s worse than visualizing DHC blowing (and humming) into his ignition lock while at a stoplight in East Mesa
It’s harder than keeping track of Sc0tti’s alt accounts…fuck bro your OCD finally found an outlet!
It’s more infuriating than watching a guy disappear after their team loses ….. *stares at Adu, Griz, SFC et al)
It’s trying to “hook-up some green” with Tribe….and he is so afraid of you he wants to do it where there are FUCKING CAMERAS! FUCKING CAMERAS Everywhere…I shit you not…like the Oscar’s Red Carpet…
It’s like witnessing a Nav meltdown after an A’s loss
It’s worse than OSS screaming “get off my lawn…sorta speak”
It’s realizing HTown is Mexican and EVERY picture of food on his grill was really his white neighbor’s set up
It’s the eyelash that fell behind your eyeball…like BEHIND….
It’s worse than a Nose Pimple…and those things FUCKING HURT and ANNOY
It’s worse than thinking Jordy is gone…and he throws another shit gif at you
It’s MHB coming out as a 13 year old PhD candidate living in Berkley and using us as a social experiment
It’s Aviator not making a FUCKING pick for 4 days in the FF league
It’s like Johnny meeting up for a fight WITHOUT his FIGHTING LEG
It’s worse than saying “hi” to HH
It’s you wife asking “what am I thinking”
It’s answering your wife, “ You want to be taken from behind, have your hair pulled, and me to fuck your pussy raw while spitting on your back”
It’s her saying she just got another cat
It’s like a free 2 day pass to tent city with DHC
It’s 49er4life….just like him……and his prison homies
It’s 5 Bowls inviting you to Reno to meet at the Silver Legacy…and waiting…and waiting….and he never shows up
It’s Loyal – just as he is
It’s K1….talking up the Rams until December then telling everyone how fucking great Tom Brady is
It’s DHC thinking he’s funny and not realizing everyone is giving him likes because we know he is “special”
It’s worse than MB3’s defense of Foles
It’s when Yoshii posts sober..then coked out..then coming down…then really coming down….then crying
It’s BMT trying to tell you how the feather Indians have a “culture”…a “culture”, are you fucking kidding me?
It’s finally realizing how gay ReTodd is..and regretting that he has your cellphone number (especially on Saturday nights when he doesn’t have porkchop)
It’s allowing sc0tti input on your dynasty league team draft
It’s DGdub, explaining how the Hawks are a dynasty
It’s needing to get baked, and finding NOTHING in your jar
I guess it really comes down to, how you feel that you were forgotten in this piece….BKOB (master of misinformation).
PS. I wrote this higher than I have ever been. Had to ask the woman on the couch the name of the kid tugging at my sleeve….Needed to ask that woman on the couch why we have animals running freely through the house.
CARDINALS 2015 NFCW CHAMPS!!
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