Shathief Presents: Revelations from Red Dead Redemption 2

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    Red Dead Redemption 2 immerses you in a turn of the century shitshow, where everyone and everything is out to kill you. The realistic AI and physics make you feel like you are a gun running, tobacco chewing, loud mouthed cowboy, which has been a childhood aspiration of mine. Over the past few days, this game has enlightened and immersed me in an alternate dimension which has consumed my soul.

    Here are a few of my revelations:

    HORSES RULE!

    Your horse is your best friend, lover, and a valuable tool. Like a woman, it requires a constant attention, food, patting, grooming and mounting. Horsies are the norm of transportation in the late 1890’s setting, which can be a blessing and a burden. Want to jump onto a moving fucking train? Traverse mountainous terrain? Haul your friends, family, and material possessions? Have no fear, the horse is here.
    These valiant steeds can have their drawbacks, however.

    Like a car in Grand Theft Auto, if you happen to be careless and run over a pedestrian, or crash into a tree, you WILL suffer the consequences. Which brings me to my next topic.

    Anyone can be an outlaw, but nobody want to be an outlaw.

    If you have played any Grand Theft Auto game, you already know that your devious actions can come with tremendous consequences. Like to be a goddamn fucking asshole? Well good news, there are a plethora of ways to become a wanted outlaw. From smack talking, to murder, and everywhere in between, your wanted level will increase when you are spotted committing crimes. Unfortunately, it can be quite easy to piss off the liberal townspeople, by running them over with your horse, and other heinous acts. Expect severe repercussions.

    Run from your problems, and drown their memories in alcohol. This should be a very familiar concept to all you degenerates (rip DHC).

    I still have NO IDEA how to play poker or dominoes.

    RDR2 offers side games such as these which are played against NPC’s like Nav. Somehow I keep winning, even though they make absolutely zero sense to me. If you claim to actually know how to play poker or dominoes, you are a liar and a fraud. Nobody actually knows the mechanics of these games, and just bullshits the rules as they go.

    AUTHOR

    chriskeal

    All stories by: chriskeal

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