GOOD MORNING SKA USERS. IT’S TUESDAY AND THAT MEANS IT’S TIME TO ARM YOURSELVES… WITH KNOWLEDGE!!!
It was another sad weekend for football, and I’m afraid it will only embolden the Knowledge Haters. I thought things couldn’t get much worse than last week, when I was viciously assaulted and sexually harassed by a string of SKA articles written by 49er Fans – Articles so heinously misleading and poorly written that the FCC had no choice but to outlaw the internet. Way to go, MayNERD.
“Why would 49er Fans have such a distaste for Knowledge?” you might ask yourself. “Aren’t they a joke of a franchise – with double-digit losses and in last place for the third year in a row?” you might be wondering. “And shouldn’t their fans be grateful that ANYBODY is tracking their statistical performance during this meaningless season, let alone listing their stats and league-wide rankings in 16 different categories, and arranging it all into a handy, multi-colored Knowledge Table every week?” you might add. And you’d be right.
Apparently three wins is all it took to send these barbaric savages into a villainous whirlwind of rudeness. And that was LAST week. I can only imagine how bad it will be now that they’re on the verge of hitting Jim Tomsula’s 5-win high water mark.
Rest assured, Knowledge Seekers, that my perseverance and bravery will overcome these slings and arrows. And I will continue to provide you with updated Knowledge Tables every Tuesday for the rest of this 2017 NFL Season, no matter how unpleasant it may be.
But enough about that. You people are here for… STATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NFCW Quarterbacks (Ranked by Passer Rating)
J Goff – 274/439 (62.4%) 3,503 yds, 8.0 ypa, 24td, 7 int, 98.9 rtg
J Garoppolo – 79/115 (68.7%) 1,026 yds, 8.9 ypa, 3 td, 2 int, 98.0 rtg
R Wilson – 307/503 (61.0%) 3,669 yds, 7.3 ypa, 30 td, 11 int, 94.1 rtg
B Gabbert – 95/171 (55.6%) 1,086 yds, 6.4 ypa, 6 td, 6 int, 71.9 rtg
NFCW Rushers (Ranked by Rushing Yards)
T Gurley – 257 att, 1,187 yds, 4.6 ypc, 13 td, 5 fum
C Hyde – 204 att, 796 yds, 3.9 ypc, 5 td, 1 fum
R Wilson – 81 att, 521 yds, 6.4 ypc, 3 td, 4 fum
A Peterson – 129 att, 448 yds, 3.5 ypc, 2 td, 3 fum
It had been 2,600 days since the last time the Seattle Seahawks lost a game by more than 30 points. How incredible. Seriously, think of everything YOU’VE accomplished since November 7th 2010 – and then realize that you have the Seattle Seahawks to thank for those accomplishments.
It was a glorious streak that featured unprecedented success, prosperity, Championships and Nano-Bubbles and and Ponies and Watermelon and Joy. It was a streak that came to a tragic end this past weekend.
Obviously, seeing the Seahawks lose that way has sent massive waves of confusion rippling throughout the NFCW. Some befuddled observers have wondered aloud whether it signified the ending of an era, or the closing of a “window.” To these witless goons I say: *Scoff, Chortle, Guffaw*
Thankfully, we’ve survived Over-Reaction Monday, and Knowledge Table Tuesday is here to set the record straight.
“Eras” don’t typically end after one embarrassing defeat. Even the very best of teams don’t go 2,600 days without having a game like that, where problems compound like a giant snowball of death and spiral out of control. The Denver Broncos famously lost SB48 by 35 points (I wrote a terrific recap of that game, which you can find by clicking here), only to return and win it all two years later. Certainly no “window” had closed for them. The 2014 New England Patriots lost in Kansas City by 27 points. Their window was so “closed” that they won the Super Bowl THAT SAME SEASON.
In fact, here is a look at the most recent runaway blowout losses for all of the current playoff teams, as well as the rest of the NFCW and some of SKA’s other favorite teams.
Most of these teams’ fanbases would probably like to believe that they are, or can soon become, Championship Contenders – and that their window for success is still open. And yet 8 out of 12 of them have suffered at least one humiliating, nauseating, Seahawk-esque loss since the beginning of last season – And all but one of them (the aforementioned Patriots) have suffered one since the start of the 2015 Season.
The Seahawks were simply due for a beating like that. Now it’s up to them to decide where they go from here. If they can play the way they’re capable, they can get to 10 wins, salvage their season, and see where they stack up against the other NFC teams. All they need is for someone in the NFCS to tank. Is that such an unrealistic expectation? Those teams have basically done nothing BUT tank since time immemorial.
There. Now everyone agrees that the Seahawks are still great.
And now, how about your feedback? Don’t you feel a lot better about yourself, now that you’ve read my article? Let me know all about it in the Comments Section.
Thank you, and always remember: Kill… Danny… O’neil…………………..