The Real BKOB Report – 2018 – Week 13 Edition

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    GOOD MORNING SKA USERS. IT’S TUESDAY AND THAT MEANS IT’S TIME TO ARM YOURSELVES… WITH KNOWLEDGE!!!

    The So-Called Rams have clinched the Division. PFFT! I guess they think they’re pretty cool, huh?

    The Division Title is basically a de facto Regular Season Participation Trophy that only formalizes the Collapse of Reality. We already know the Rams did their best to buy a Championship, just like we already know it’s going to fail. After watching Goff struggle in Detroit, it doesn’t take a Golden Boner Award to see that the Rams peaked too early (just like last year) and are vulnerable. Someone re-post this Excerpt for k1, please.

    There’s nothing exceptionally impressive about their Defense (except for that one guy), and the Offense is simply racking up meaningless yards and points, while they squander the gifts of their HOF Punter. That might be the recipe for Regular Season Success in this Post-Reality Maelstrom we call the NFCW, but that doesn’t make it right!!

    As an unbiased Sports Journalist, I hope they choke in the Playoffs so I can laugh in their faces.

    Now let’s look at… STATS!!!!!!!!!!!!

    NFCW Quarterbacks (Ranked by Passer Rating)
    R Wilson – 217/326 (66.6%) 2,716 yds, 8.3 ypa, 29 td, 5 int, 115.5 rtg
    J Goff – 275/414 (66.4%) 3,754yds, 9.1 ypa, 27 td, 7 int, 109.9 rtg
    N Mullens – 91/141 (64.5%) 1,147yds, 8.1 ypa, 7td, 5int, 91.5 rtg
    J Rosen – 148/273 (54.2%) 1,670 yds, 6.1 ypa, 10 td, 11 int, 68.2 rtg
    ———
    J Garoppolo – 53/89 (59.6%) 718 yds, 8.1 ypa, 5 td, 3 int, 90.0 rtg
    C Beathard – 102/169 (60.4%) 1,252 yds, 7.4 ypa, 8 td, 7 int, 81.8 rtg
    S Bradford – 50/80 (62.5%) 400 yds, 5.0 ypa, 2 td, 4 int, 62.5 rtg

    NFCW Rushers (Ranked by Rushing Yards)
    T Gurley – 233 att, 1,175 yds, 5.0 ypc, 15 td, 0 fum
    D Johnson – 205 att, 761 yds, 3.7 ypa, 6 td, 2 fum
    M Breida – 132 att, 744 yds, 5.6 ypa, 3 td, 1 fum
    C Carson – 157 att, 704 yds, 4.5 ypa, 4 td, 3 fum

    What’s Changed?
    The Seahawks practiced against the 49ers this week. Richard Sherman made his highly publicized return to CenturyLink Field, and I’m sure it went exactly as he expected when he said all of this stuff.

    In what will undoubtedly be remembered as the high point of his season, Sherman got to play catch with Doug Baldwin during warm-ups. And then Russell Wilson got to play catch with Doug Baldwin during the game. And Jaron Brown. And Tyler Lockett. And anybody else he wanted to. It only took 4 pass attempts for Wilson (the NFCW’s Highest Rated Passer) to give the Seahawks a 20-0 lead in the first half, while Sherman just watched, helplessly – a non-factor in another blowout loss.

    Sherman has 0 interceptions, and the 49ers have the worst record in the League.

    My Analysis
    Losing to the Cardinals is officially a fireable offense in the NFL. This is bad news for Kyle Shanahan (0-4).  Between him and Wilks, we can only wonder how far this Coach-Killing Phenomenon will go. They have Matt Patricia and Dan Quinn on their schedule. With every meaningless victory, another Coach’s soul is sacrificed, and Mike’s Memes grow stronger and stronger. See, sc0tti, THIS should be the premise for your show.

    And now, how about your feedback? A Special Congratulatory Shout-Out to one of our All-Time Favorite Knowledge Seekers!! Enjoy your retirement, Silent Bob! I hereby award you with this Lifetime Achievement Boner! *retires Bob’s jersey number* Don’t forget to stop by from time and time and read MayNERD’s favorite Excerpts!

    Thank you, and always remember: Kill… Danny… O’neil…………………..

    AUTHOR

    BKOB

    A Golden Boner Award Winning Journalist, known for his perseverance and bravery. An inspiration to us all.

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