The Real BKOB Report – 2018 – Week 16 Edition

    835 425 BKOB


    All the 12’s in Seattle liked the Seahawks a lot.
    But MayNERD (Who lived just NORTH of Seattle) did not.
    MayNERD hated Seahawks, the whole Seahawk-season
    Please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason.
    It could be perhaps that his team was 4-11
    It could be because he missed the playoffs again.
    But I think that the most likely reason of all,
    may have been that his Knowledge was two sizes too small.

    “They win without Bennett!
    They win without Graham!
    They win without Thomas, Sherman and Kam!!”

    And what happened then? Well, in SKAville they say
    MayNERD’s hopes of winning my Boner shrunk three sizes that day.
    BKOB will clinch his second bet, most absurd.
    And he himself, MayNERD, will post the Excerpt.

    Merry Clinch-mas everyone… STATS!!!!!!!!!!!!

    NFCW Quarterbacks (Ranked by Passer Rating)
    R Wilson – 268/406 (66.0%) 3,296 yds, 8.1 ypa, 34 td, 6 int, 112.7 rtg
    J Goff – 349/535 (6401%) 4,489yds, 8.4 ypa, 28 td, 12 int, 99.5 rtg
    N Mullens – 153/241 (63.5%) 1,995yds, 8.3 ypa, 10td, 7int, 91.2 rtg
    J Rosen – 199/359 (55.4%) 2,129 yds, 5.9 ypa, 10 td, 14 int, 66.0 rtg
    J Garoppolo – 53/89 (59.6%) 718 yds, 8.1 ypa, 5 td, 3 int, 90.0 rtg
    C Beathard – 102/169 (60.4%) 1,252 yds, 7.4 ypa, 8 td, 7 int, 81.8 rtg
    S Bradford – 50/80 (62.5%) 400 yds, 5.0 ypa, 2 td, 4 int, 62.5 rtg

    NFCW Rushers (Ranked by Rushing Yards)
    T Gurley – 256 att, 1,251 yds, 4.9 ypc, 17 td, 0 fum
    C Carson – 228 att, 1,029 yds, 4.5 ypa, 8 td, 3 fum
    D Johnson – 241 att, 878 yds, 3.6 ypa, 7 td, 2 fum
    M Breida – 153 att, 814 yds, 5.3 ypa, 3 td, 1 fum

    What’s Changed?
    The Seahawks defied the odds one more time this year by defeating the heavily-favored Kansas City Chiefs and securing the 9th victory of this dreadful “rebuilding” season. Hmmm, that’s a novel concept -rebuilding without tanking- and one that Seattle’s NFCW counterparts might consider trying some day.

    But these heroic individuals in Blue didn’t just clinch a playoff spot… they clinched history. The Chiefs Offense will likely finish the season ranked 1st in Points Scored AND Total Yards, making this the SEVENTH year in a row that the Seahawks have beaten a #1 Offense. I know, crazy right? I assume that’s some kind of record. Also, Patrick Mahomes is potentially the 5th MVP to fall to Seattle during that same timespan.

    Ok, those are a lot of impossible-sounding accomplishments. I’d better have a good chart to back them up. And here it is: Every Seahawks victory over a Top 5 Offense (Points and/or Yards) and NFL MVP during the Pete Carroll-era. It proves that the Seahawks have no problem beating the very best:

    So much Knowledge. And keep in mind, Knowledge Seekers, that Carroll can clinch MORE victories over Top 5 Offenses in the playoffs this year! Meaning this chart could soon become a Collector’s Item. Clinch a copy now, while it’s still accurate!

    The Seahawks enter the playoffs with the #1 Rushing Offense. Clinch Carson’s 1,029 yards and 8 TDs easily surpasses all of Seattle 2017 Running Backs combined (983 yards and 1 TD among 6 players who claimed to be Running Backs). The last time the Seahawks had a 1,000+ yard rusher, they went to the Super Bowl. They also have the league’s best Turnover Differential (+14) and coolest uniforms.

    This week the unstoppable Seahawks face the Arizona Cardinals who, according to the Knowledge Tables, have struggled on Offense this season. lol.

    My Analysis
    The So-Called Rams are timidly backing into the playoffs. They haven’t clinched anything in WEEKS, and their plans to thwart Reality seem to be unraveling with each victory. Aaron Donald might not even break the Sack Record. It’s safe to say the Rams have hit rock-bottom.

    And now, how about your feedback? The final BKOB Report of 2018 drops on New Years day!! Wait a minute… what?? This schedule is brutal. I gotta fire my agent.

    Thank you, and always remember: Kill… Danny… O’neil…………………..



    A Golden Boner Award Winning Journalist, known for his perseverance and bravery. An inspiration to us all.

    All stories by: BKOB

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