The Real BKOB Report – 2018 – Week 4 Edition

    835 425 BKOB


    That’s right – double your Tuesdays, double your pleasure, that’s what I always say.  BKOB Report Season is upon us! The most hap-happiest time of the year!! Feel free to hug your neighbor!!

    When we last left our intrepid hero, Reality had just Collapsed, and the SEAVENGERS were on a quest to restore our world to its proper, Ram-free timeline.

    Since then, one of the main characters has been killed off (or has he?), Doug Baldwin has only recently emerged from his Belly of the Whale scenario, and Russell Wilson triumphed, once more, in the face of adversity to become the Winningest Quarterback in Seahawks Franchise History – striking yet another Mythical Accomplishment from his Heroic To-Do list. Excelsior!

    Not bad for a 29 year old kid… just a courageous lad, who hasn’t even reached his magnificent ceiling yet. I look forward to objectively reporting on the remainder of his Hall of Fame career.

    Hey folks, Tuesday Morning is a state of mind, so let’s celebrate with some STATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    NFCW Quarterbacks (Ranked by Passer Rating)
    J Goff – 97/134 (72.4%) 1,406 yds, 10.5 ypa, 11 td, 2 int, 127.3 rtg
    R Wilson – 76/121 (62.8%) 888 yds, 7.3 ypa, 7 td, 3 int, 94.0 rtg
    C Beathard – 23/37 (62.2%) 298 yds, 8.1 ypa, 2 td, 2 int, 82.9 rtg
    J Rosen – 19/34 (55.9%) 216 yds, 6.4 ypa, 1 td, 1 int, 72.7 rtg
    J Garoppolo – 53/89 (59.6%) 718 yds, 8.1 ypa, 5 td, 3 int, 90.0 rtg
    S Bradford – 50/80 (62.5%) 400 yds, 5.0 ypa, 2 td, 4 int, 62.5 rtg

    NFCW Rushers (Ranked by Rushing Yards)
    T Gurley – 79 att, 338 yds, 4.3 ypc, 4 td, 0 fum
    M Breida – 41 att, 313 yds, 7.6 ypa, 1 td, 0 fum
    D Johnson – 56 att, 187 yds, 3.3 ypa, 2 td, 1 fum
    C Carson – 45 att, 177 yds, 3.9 ypa, 1 td, 1 fum

    What’s Changed?
    For the first time since December 30th, 2014, I am publishing Knowledge Tables that do NOT feature the 49ers in last place! That sounds like something I just made up, but the real Knowledge Seekers know my stats are ALWAYS good!! 1,574 hilarious days. When I removed their info from the bottom row, the ghostly remnants lingered behind – burned into my laptop screen like the nuclear shadows in Hiroshima.

    It only took a little bit of help from the referees in Detroit, and the fact that they share a division with the pitiful Arizona Cardinals – who are both winless and terrible. Just look at those stats.

    My Analysis
    The Seahawks defeated the mighty Arizona Cardinals, despite facing Aaron Rodgers Jr. in his home debut. I mean this guy beat out Sam Bradford. That doesn’t just happen. As far as I’m concerned, the Seahawks have proven themselves against the very best. Ignore those stats.

    Despite the happy victory, Earl Thomas somehow found reason to complain. Way to spoil the mood, pal! Rumors have persisted for some time that maybe… just maybe… Earl might be a little upset about his contract situation in Seattle. Who knows. These rumors are unconfirmed by my sources, and Earl always plays his cards close to his vest, with class and dignity. Consummate pro, that guy. So we’ll never know for sure.

    However, body language experts have speculated that he may have displayed a degree of hostility towards the Seahawks sideline shortly after his unfortunate leg injury. This is being reported by the same media outlets who said the 49ers would be good this year, so take that for what it’s worth.

    Now, before Earl goes too far and does something idiotic that might damage his reputation with Seattle Fans forever, I hope he takes a lesson from some of his former teammates who made the foolish mistake of believing that the grass could possibly be greener on the other side. I got news for you buddy: It can’t… Or, It’s not… Kind of confusing sentence structure, there.

    Exhibits A-D) Bennett, Sherman, Harvin, Lynch. All former Seahawks who won a Championship together, and left the team acrimoniously – taking swipes at the organization on their way out, with each of their accusations more outlandish than the next. Michael Bennett even went so far as to claim that he read a book.

    Since leaving Seattle, those four players’ teams have combined for a record of 16-25 with them on the field – In other words, they’ve won 39% of their games. None of them have a winning record with any of their new teams. Oops.

    That’s a lot of time spent watching final seconds tick away, realizing that yet another “Championship Opportunity” (as they once referred to it) is slipping by, and perhaps wondering if they had taken the winning for granted.

    Turns out it’s nice to be on a team with a proven Franchise QB and a Head Coach who (usually) knows what he’s doing. Pete’s methods might not always be popular, but they’re usually successful. Hopefully Earl keeps that in mind when he returns on a team-friendly, incentive-laden deal next year.

    Despite the injuries and the drama, the Seahawks have the same win-total as the Patriots, Packers and Eagles. They have seven more home games to play (8 if you count Levi’s Stadium) and they currently control their own destiny in the NFCW.

    The Rams have played well against opponents with a combined record of 4-11-1.

    And now, how about your feedback? Feel free to share your thoughts in the Comments Section below. Unless you’re a Rams fan, then keep your comments to yourself.

    Thank you, and always remember: Kill… Danny… O’neil…………………..



    A Golden Boner Award Winning Journalist, known for his perseverance and bravery. An inspiration to us all.

    All stories by: BKOB
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