The Real BKOB Report – 2018 – Week 9 Edition

    835 425 BKOB


    It’s 49ers Week here on SKA, so bust out your Red and Gold Paper Bags and your VCRs! I know their customs may seem strange to us, but it means a lot to them so just play along, ok? It’s not very often a team gets to double their win-total in one day! Any fanbase should be jealous of such a feat.

    Oh well. I’m still winning all of my ridiculous bets with Niner fans, and they still lead the League in me laughing at them.

    Hey folks, it’s BKOB Reportering Time! Featuring… STATS!!!!!!!!!!!!

    NFCW Quarterbacks (Ranked by Passer Rating)
    J Goff – 199/293 (67.9%) 2,816yds, 9.6 ypa, 20 td, 6 int, 112.9 rtg
    R Wilson – 146/221 (66.1%) 1,791 yds, 8.1 ypa, 18 td, 5 int, 108.6 rtg
    C Beathard – 102/169 (60.4%) 1,252 yds, 7.4 ypa, 8 td, 7 int, 81.8 rtg
    J Rosen – 94/169 (55.6%) 1,072 yds, 6.3 ypa, 5 td, 6 int, 69.9 rtg
    J Garoppolo – 53/89 (59.6%) 718 yds, 8.1 ypa, 5 td, 3 int, 90.0 rtg
    S Bradford – 50/80 (62.5%) 400 yds, 5.0 ypa, 2 td, 4 int, 62.5 rtg

    NFCW Rushers (Ranked by Rushing Yards)
    T Gurley – 182 att, 868 yds, 4.8 ypc, 12 td, 0 fum
    M Breida – 96 att, 531 yds, 5.5 ypa, 2 td, 1 fum
    C Carson – 111 att, 497 yds, 4.5 ypa, 2 td, 1 fum
    D Johnson – 122 att, 394 yds, 3.2 ypa, 5 td, 2 fum

    What’s Changed?
    After fluking their way to the least impressive 8-0 start in BKOB Report history, the So-Called Rams have gone back to their losing ways. FINALLY! It’s like they traded rosters with the 49ers this week or something. They’ve embarrassed us in front of the other Divisions!

    After all that “Reality-Collapse” stuff, The Saints simply followed the Seavengers’ gameplan: Run it up the middle, score lots of points, and force Marcus Peters to make sad faces at the referees – And it worked to perfection!

    Wow. Even with all the Infinity Stones, the Rams aren’t just going to lose in the playoffs, but they won’t even be undefeated when they get there?? What was the point of becoming a Super-Team in the first place?? How pathetic.

    “But BKOB, it’s only one loss. Is the bloom truly off the rose so quickly?” How dare you speak to me that way. You know who else used to be undefeated? Jimmy Garoppolo. Nuff said.

    Being unbeaten was LA’s only claim to fame this season. Now they’re just another beatable team with a good record and a below-average Defense. I mean, just look at those stats! Niner-esque. They probably didn’t sign enough big-name Free Agents this past offseason.

    My Analysis
    The Seahawks haven’t had much luck facing LA teams at home this season, so maybe they can restore Reality by heading down to LA – where Pete Carroll will be worshiped and adored as the greatest HC that fine city has had, at least in living memory. His Golden Boner-inspiring visage might be enough to arouse that apathetic fanbase into some semblance of activity, as they cheer the Seavengers on to victory.*

    The Sequel is always better than the original, Knowledge Seekers!!


    And now, how about your feedback? Feel free to post Tight End Stats in the Comments Section below!

    Thank you, and always remember: Kill… Danny… O’neil…………………..



    A Golden Boner Award Winning Journalist, known for his perseverance and bravery. An inspiration to us all.

    All stories by: BKOB

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