The Real BKOB Report – 2019 – Week 5 Edition

    835 425 BKOB


    BKOB Report season is upon us once again, my intelligent and astonishingly attractive friends! I have emerged from my underground Knowledge Den and – upon seeing no shadow – I could sense that all of the NFCW teams had played no fewer than four games. Finally! A suitable sample size for statistical scrutiny! Callooh Callay!

    And not a moment too soon, Knowledge Seekers. I had been detecting Clamor Levels approaching critical mass all across Please know, faithful BKOB Report enthusiasts, that I appreciate your patience while we waited for some of our slower NFCW franchises to cross the four-game threshold. Some teams are just late bloomers, and so are their fans.

    Now let’s awaken the spiritual Boner within! Award. Golden. STATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    NFCW Quarterbacks (Ranked by Passer Rating)
    R Wilson – 114/156 (73.1%) 1409 yds, 9.0 ypa, 12 td, 0 int, 126.3 rtg
    J Garoppolo – 78/113 (69.0%) 920 yds, 8.1 ypa, 7 td, 4 int, 99.4 rtg
    J Goff – 140/222 (63.1%) 1,649 yds, 7.4 ypa, 7 td, 7 int, 83.0 rtg
    K Murray – 126/201 (62.7%) 1,324 yds, 6.6 ypa, 4 td, 4 int, 80.1 rtg

    NFCW Rushers (Ranked by Rushing Yards)
    C Carson – 94 att, 380 yds, 4.0 ypa, 1 td, 3 fum
    M Breida – 52 att, 340 yds, 6.5 ypa, 1 td, 0 fum
    T Gurley – 64 att, 270 yds, 4.2 ypa, 5 td, 1 fum
    D Johnson – 64 att, 264 yds, 4.1 ypa, 1 td, 0 fum

    What’s changed?
    It’s business as usual in the NFCW: The Seahawks and the 49ers sit atop the Division with 4 wins apiece, the pathetic and hopeless Rams barely have 3, while the Cardinals remain committed to their 100-year rebuild. It’s as if nothing has changed since SpikedKoolAid first opened their virtual doors all those happy years ago.

    The 49ers appear to have a slight advantage in the “yellow highlighting” department at the moment – but that is only a trick, Knowledge Seekers.  They are following the Sean McVay path to failure: overpay your mediocre QB, peak way too early, and then fall apart down the stretch. It’s a tale as old as time.

    Everyone knows the secret to NFL success lies in stacking up one-point victories early in the season, occasionally losing to a backup QB to ease the pressure associated with a 19-0 season, then coast under the radar and save your best football for when it matters! This is settled science, people!

    My Analysis
    I’d like to congratulate Seahawks Offensive Coordinator/Super Genius Brian Schottenheimer for successfully trolling the Rams franchise for nearly a decade – first by sabotaging Sam Bradford’s career in St Louis, and then by racking up ridiculous yards and points against the Los Angeles version of the team. In three games against the cowardly Rams, Brian’s offense has averaged over 30 points/game, 210 rushing yards/game, with 10 passing TDs against 0 INTs, and a 4th Quarter Comeback on Thursday Night. Ok Brian, let them off the mat already!

    Why Schottenheimer wants k1 and other Rams fans to suffer so badly remains a mystery, although I suspect that spending enough time working for Jeff Fisher probably poisons a man’s soul.

    But it’s easy to hang 30-burgers on your Divisional rivals when your QB is named Russell Carrington Wilson and he leads the league in TDs and Passer Rating. It also helps when he’s 2nd in Completion %, 3rd in Yards/Attempt, and he has 0 INTs. In my unbiased, Golden Boner Award Winning opinion: that ain’t half bad!

    And now, how about your feedback? What do you, the viewers at home think? Please share your feedback in the form of Excerpts and Recommends.

    Thank you, and always remember: Kill… Danny… O’neil…………………



    A Golden Boner Award Winning Journalist, known for his perseverance and bravery. An inspiration to us all.

    All stories by: BKOB

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