The Real BKOB Report – 2020 – Week 16 Edition

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    GOOD MORNING SKA USERS. IT’S TUESDAY AND THAT MEANS IT’S TIME TO ARM YOURSELVES… WITH KNOWLEDGE!!!

    It’s The Real BKOB Report 2020 End of Season Awards!!

    *Doo doo doot-doot DOOT-DOOT-DOO-DEEEEEE!!!*

    With your host, BKOB!!

    *applause sign*

    Thank you. Thank you. Today we honor and celebrate the real movers-and-shakers in the NFCW this season. Most awards shows wait until after the season is over to do this sort of thing, which is why nobody takes them seriously. 2020 is a year we will all look back on with great joy and fondness, except for k1.

    *crowd laughs at k1*

    Today we look back on an NFCW season filled with drama, excitement, and Knowledge. So without further delay, let’s get on to the awards! I’m so nervous!!

    *crowd laughs at k1*

    NFCW Coach of the Year: And the Bony goes to… *struggles with envelope* …PETE CARROLL!!
    Highlights: Winning the NFCW, zero Covid cases, improved Defense/Offense
    This has been a banner year for Pete. He is older than all of the other NFCW coaches and players combined, but that hasn’t stopped him from owning this Division forever. Pete couldn’t be here today, so I am accepting this Bony on his behalf.
    Runner-up: Brian Schottenheimer

    NFCW Executive of the Year: JOHN SCHNEIDER!!!
    Highlights:
    Jamal Adams, Carlos Dunlap, Jordyn Brooks, Damien Lewis, DJ Reed, Jadeveon Clowney
    The man drafted Russell Wilson – What else needs to be said? He deserves a Bony Award every year just for that. But, not being one to rest on his laurels, Schneider has acquiring more and more star players every year – 24 Pro Bowl players acquired in 11 Seasons, to be exact. This man doesn’t even know what a “laurel” is, and neither do we.
    Runner-up: Brian Schottenheimer

    NFCW Defensive Player of the Year: JAMAL ADAMS!!!
    Highlights:
    Sackin’ fools and running around screaming at everyone
    From humble beginnings as an Adam Gase-survivor, Jamal rose up the social ladder to become the Mayor of Pound Town. He’s also a delight to watch on NFL Mic’ed Up. Just make sure your volume isn’t turned up too high.
    Runner-up: Jared Goff

    NFCW MVP: And the Bony goes to… I don’t believe it! It’s RUSSELL CARRINGTON WILSON!!!
    Highlights:
    38 TDs, beating the #1 Defense to clinch an NFCW title, constantly making the world a better place, toned buttocks
    Russell Wilson is the best thing that’s ever happened to this Division. He is sometimes overlooked by members of the media – I’ll accept my share of the blame on that front. Even so, his relentless positivity and toughness has made him the North Star of NFCW greatness for nearly a decade, all while curing sick children, mentoring at-risk youths, and routinely impregnating his Pop Star wife. Russell Wilson, we salute you.
    Runner-up:
    DK Metcalf

    The 2020 Bony Awards are brought to you by STATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    NFCW Quarterbacks (Ranked by Passer Rating)
    R Wilson – 364/522 (69.7%) 4,031 yds, 7.7 ypa, 38 td, 13 int, 106.3 rtg
    K Murray – 367/547 (67.1%) 3,884 yds, 7.1 ypa, 26 td, 12 int, 94.3 rtg
    J Garopplo – 94/140 (67.1%) 1,096 yds, 7.8 ypa, 7 td, 5 int, 92.4 rtg
    J Goff – 370/552 (67.0%) 3,952 yds, 7.2 ypa, 20 td, 13 int, 90.0 rtg
    N Mullens – 211/326 (64.7%) 2,437 yds, 7.5 ypa, 12 td, 12 int, 84.1 rtg

    NFCW Rushers (Ranked by Rushing Yards)
    K Drake – 229 att, 919 yds, 4.0 ypa, 10 td, 3 fum
    K Murray – 131 att, 816 yds, 6.2 ypa, 11 td, 5 fum
    C Carson – 130 att, 637 yds, 4.9 ypa, 5 td, 1 fum
    D Henderson Jr – 138 att, 624 yds, 4.5 ypa, 5 td, 0 fum
    C Akers – 124 att, 591 yds, 4.8 ypa, 2 td, 0 fum
    J Wilson Jr – 106 att, 524 yds, 4.9 ypa, 6 td, 2 fum
    R Mostert – 104 att, 521 yds, 5.0 ypa, 2 td, 1 fum
    R Wilson – 78 att, 484 yds, 6.2 ypa, 2 td, 4 fum

    What’s changed?
    I’ll tell you what HASN’T changed, Knowledge Seekers: The Seahawks owning this Division forever. It’s all part of Pete Carroll’s master plan. He has outlived several generations’ worth of rival NFCW coaches, but this might have been his most impressive season to date. In a Division full of whipper-snappers. the old man has been just as dominant as ever, and he’s showing no signs of stopping or slowing down.

    The Seahawks are on a clinching-spree as of late, and I see no reason why that has to end. This weekend is the their formal coronation as NFCW Champs, including the ceremonial Sweeping of the Niners. With a little help from the Bears and Panthers, it could end up being a lot more than that.

    And now, how about your feedback? The Real BKOB Report was filmed in front of a live studio audience

    Thank you, and always remember: Kill… Danny… O’neil…………………

    AUTHOR

    BKOB

    A Golden Boner Award Winning Journalist, known for his perseverance and bravery. An inspiration to us all.

    All stories by: BKOB
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