THE REAL BKOB REPORT – 2020 – WEEK 4 EDITION

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    GOOD MORNING SKA USERS. IT’S TUESDAY AND THAT MEANS IT’S TIME TO ARM YOURSELVES… WITH KNOWLEDGE!!!

    Happy Knowledge Table Tuesday to you all!! It’s that special time of year when we all find out whether or not our favorite NFCW team is terrible. I’ve been incubating these Knowledge Eggs for four weeks now, and I’m ready to make multi-colored omelettes! Oh, the joys of NFCW Stats and Rankings!! 

    Before we proceed I must warn you, Knowledge Seekers: There is Highlighting ahead… and not all of it is Yellow. But as you know, this has already been a season like no other. Every week we are given new reminders that things are different now. Russell Carrington Wilson, your hero, has defied Knowledge at every turn and proven that Team Stats no longer mean anything. There’s a new normal, people, so get used to it!! 

    Through the sheer magic of Concentrated Boner Powder, he is able to thrust his less-divine teammates through a minefield of Red Highlighting and into the glorious firmament of perfection!! The Knowledge Tables themselves tremble in his presence!! 

    Please bear that in mind while you review these STATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    NFCW Quarterbacks (Ranked by Passer Rating)
    R Wilson – 103/137 (75.2%) 1,285 yds, 9.4 ypa, 16 td, 2 int, 136.7 rtg
    J Garopplo – 33/49 (67.3%) 390 yds, 8.0 ypa, 4 td, 0 int, 118.6 rtg
    J Goff – 88/122 (72.1%) 1,063 yds, 8.7 ypa, 6 td, 2 int, 108.1 rtg
    K Murray – 99/144 (68.8%) 919 yds, 6.4 ypa, 7 td, 5 int, 87.7 rtg
    N Mullens – 51/73 (69.9%) 614 yds, 8.4 ypa, 2 td, 3 int, 87.4 rtg

    NFCW Rushers (Ranked by Rushing Yards)
    K Murray – 32 att, 265 yds, 8.3 ypa, 4 td, 0 fum
    K Drake – 67 att, 254 yds, 3.8 ypa, 1 td, 0 fum
    C Carson – 53 att, 237 yds, 4.5 ypa, 2 td, 1 fum
    D Henderson Jr – 43 att, 223 yds, 5.2 ypa, 2 td, 0 fum
    J McKinnon – 34att, 193 yds, 5.7 ypa, 3 td, 0 fum

    What’s changed?
    The 49ers have done some Knowledge-defying of their own, but not the good kind. I’ve never seen so much Yellow Highlighting in the 4th Place row before. I imagine that is very frustrating for 4th Place fans. The Sunday Night molly-whopping they received at the hands of an ineffective ginger has their players impotently checking the schedule for any more games at MetLife Stadium. As an unbiased Sports Journalist, they disgust me beyond measure. 

    My Analysis:
    The Pitiful Cardinals, who specialize in sabotaging their own young QBs’ careers, have regressed to the inferior. It seems their 5-win season from a year ago was more a fluke than anything else, and the “potential” and “promise” that had previously been identified in Kyler Murray turned out to just be some residual greatness left behind by Russell Carrington Wilson. All of this has left the Cardinals fans longing for the good old days, but they don’t really have any.

    Elsewhere in the Division, Jared Goff is struggling to trade blows with Daniel Jones while the rest of his teammates have taken up bare-knuckle brawling. Their next four games would appear to be winnable if they appeared on a more disciplined team’s schedule, but with this crew there’s just no telling. Sean McVay had better get his squad under control if he doesn’t want to be disqualified from future BKOB Reports.  

    And now, how about your feedback? The BKOB Report has returned, and joy may resume!! Put down your opioids and your  investigational nucleotide analogs and tell me what you think in the comments section below!!

    Thank you, and always remember: Kill… Danny… O’neil…………………

    AUTHOR

    BKOB

    A Golden Boner Award Winning Journalist, known for his perseverance and bravery. An inspiration to us all.

    All stories by: BKOB
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