The Real BKOB Report: Week 4 Edition

    835 425 chriskeal

    What? We’re past Week 4 already?! I have to start writing articles again? Where does the time go?

    It seems like just three weeks ago the 49ers were undefeated, the Rams hadn’t scored a point, and the Cardinal fans were supremely confident in their team – having nearly beaten The Patriots’ backups in their home opener.

    And people wonder why I wait until Week 4 before I start writing articles.

    The Real BKOB Report has always been about the Big Picture. And Week 4 is when we finally have a bountiful sample size from which to harvest our juicy Knowledge Nuggets. We can finally start making accurate judgments about one anothers’ teams. And I’m happy to provide you with all of the charts and tables you could possibly need to own your friends and co-workers.

    I’ve been up all night crunching numbers and freebasing Nanobubbles, and I’ve got more Knowledge than I know what to do with!! So let’s get to the STATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    Passers (Ranked by Passer Rating)
    RW (w/ 2 bad legs) 87/133 (65.4%) 1,064yds 8.0ypa 5td 1int 99.3prtg
    A Rodgers 55/94 (58.5%) 617yds 6.6ypa 7td 1int 98.5prtg
    A Luck 103/166 (62.0%) 1,147yds 6.7ypa 8td 3int 91.1prtg
    C Palmer 90/153 (58.8%) 1,150yds 7.5ypa 6td 5int 81.9prtg
    C Newton 77/166 (57.9%) 974yds 7.3ypa 6td 5int 80.2prtg
    C Keenum 67/121 (55.4%) 825yds 6.8ypa 4td 3int 77.3prtg
    B Gabbert 69/119 (58.0%) 728yds 6.12yds 4td 4int 73.1prtg

    Rushers (Ranked by Rushing Yards)
    D Johnson 64att 300yds 4.7ypa 3td 1fum
    C Hyde 73att 299yds 4.1ypa 5td 1fum
    C Michael 63att 290yds 4.6ypa 2td 0fum
    T Gurley 82att 216yds 2.6ypa 2td 0fum

    What’s Changed?
    After reviewing the Stats, it is clear that the NFCW is divided into the “Haves” (SEA), the “Have-Nots” (SF, AZ), and the Rams (LA). As always, it is only a matter of time before the Division Standings reflect this natural hierarchy. The Stats don’t lie, people!! I’d bet my Golden Boner on it. Award.

    Fraudulent Bruce Arians and his pitiful pack of perennial postseason pushovers are looking even crappier than I expected. And the 49ers? I’m beginning to wonder if their Front Office has been getting their Knowledge from unapproved sources, like Turn Rae or Adusoron. If they read MY Knowledge Tables, they’d know that they need to replace all of their players, right away!

    My Analysis:
    “The more things change, the more they stay the same.” That saying never made sense to me. I mean, if things are changing, then obviously they aren’t gunna… you know what? Never mind. I could go into a whole thing about this, but instead I just want to talk about the Seahawks Defense.

    Pete Carroll’s brilliant Defense has been so incredibly consistent over the years, I basically take it for granted. When the opposing Quarterback turns and hands it off, I expect the Running Back to go nowhere. When a Wide Receiver catches a dink-and-dunk underneath route, I expect Jeremy Lane or Kam Chancellor to run up and smash them to the ground before they reach the First Down marker. It’s almost weird when they don’t.

    When All-Pro Cornerback RIchard Sherman plays run-stopper and tackles a 230lb Running Back at the line of scrimmage, I don’t give it a second thought. He’s been doing that for years. And that’s the beauty of it all! The BKOB Report is all about the Big Picture. And in the grand scheme of things, watching this amazing Defensive Unit year-after-year has been one of the great pleasures of my life as a Sports Fan. As long as Pete Carroll and John Schneider are calling the shots, this team will continue to make history every time they step on the field.

    And the Offense isn’t too shabby, either. In fact, Seattle leads the NFCW in 8 of the 16 categories that are officially sanctioned by The Real BKOB Report, including having the Top Ranked Quarterback yet again. A perfectly well-rounded team, and one poised to dominate the division for years to come.

    It is by some clerical error that Seattle is mistakenly ranked at 2nd place in the Division. I have decided to launch a Petition to get the NFL to change its tie-breaker system. I’ll keep the Knowledge Seekers updated on our progress.

    And now, how about your feedback? I pride myself on non-biased, impartial Sports Journalism. I think I nailed it this time. Feel free to tell me how great I am in the comments section below.

    Thank you, and always remember: Kill… Danny… O’neil.


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