THE REAL BKOB REPORT: WEEK 5

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Good morning SKA users. It’s Tuesday and that means it’s time to Arm Yourselves… WITH KNOWLEDGE!!!

Well folks, Season Two of The Real BKOB Report has gotten off to a dramatic start – With even more excitement than last year! Every week it seems like  another NFCW team is either rising or falling at a shocking rate.

Those inexperienced trolls amongst us – who spinelessly suckle  at the teat of the Mainstream Media and their overreactions – continue to fall for the big lie of knee-jerk analysis. They are quick to declare one team is “finished” and another team is “a contender,” only to see those illusions shattered the following weekend. Pitiful souls and phony-intellectual weaklings!

Meanwhile, the TRUE logicians, analytical obsevationists and wisdomologists know that you must NEVER overreact to one game. Instead you must sit back, read the statistical tea leaves, and let the Knowledge take care of the rest. Let’s see what the numbers have to say shall we?

Here they are, the new and improved STATS!!!!!!!!! Now including 3rd Down Percentages!!!!!!!!!!!!

Passers (Ranked by Passer Rating)
C Palmer    96/148 (64.9%) 1,316yds 8.89ypa 13td 3int 114.0prtg
R Wilson     106/150 (70.7%) 1,192yds 7.95ypa 6td 3int 99.1prtg
N Foles    81/141 (57.4%) 956ydsyds 6.78ypa 6td 5int 77.6prtg
C Kaepernick    95/151 (62.9%) 989yds 6.55ypa 4td 5int 76.8prtg

Rushers (Ranked by Yards)
C Johnson    79att 405yds 5.1ypa 2td 0fum
C Hyde    83att 375yds 4.5ypa 3td 0fum
T Rawls    58att 325yds 5.6ypa 1td 0fum
T Gurley    55att 314yds 5.7ypa 0td 1fum
———————————
C Kaepernick    36att 218yds 6.1ypa 1td 4fum
R Wilson    37att 198yds 5.4ypa 0td 1fum

What’s changed?
Look at the 9ers. Wow. How bad are those numbers? Same with the Rams offense. But especially the 9ers Defense. And their offense. Yikes. According to an unnamed Golden Boner Award Winning Journalist, these teams are lucky to have any wins at all.

Elsewhere in the division, the Fraudulent Arizona Cardinals are up to their old tricks again – defying Knowledge, and winning games without permission. Next thing you know Bruce Arians will be awarded another unjustifiable Coach of the Year Award – based on some bogus pretense, like the myth that he wins games with third string Quarterbacks, even though he never has. That sort of malfeasance is enough to make me sick. But I will not lose faith, Knowledge-Seekers!!

My Analysis:
Just one more time, look at the 9ers’ numbers. Their Defense doesn’t crack the top-15 in ANY of our statistical categories. They’re literally bad at everything. And their offense has scored the fewest points in the league.

And now, how about your feedback? If you REALLY want to support SKA, go upstairs, get your mom’s credit card out of her purse, and mail it to Keal.

Thank you, and always remember: Kill… Danny… O’neil………..

AUTHOR

BKOB

A Golden Boner Award Winning Journalist, known for his perseverance and bravery. An inspiration to us all.

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