The Real BKOB Report: Week 9 Edition

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Good morning SKA users. It’s Tuesday and that means it’s time to Arm Yourselves… WITH KNOWLEDGE!!!

Hallelujah truth-seekers! I’ve been locked up in my Top Secret Knowledge Bunker – several miles below the Earth’s crust – copy/pasting the cold hard facts for all to see. It’s important to troll one another with accurate information! But first, let’s read some fan mail, shall we?

Little Eddie T. Go from Santa Clara writes
“Dear SpikedKoolAid.com… Seriously, why is The Real BKOB Report a weekly article?”

I get what you’re saying, Eddie. But the fact is that a DAILY article wouldn’t be practical, at this time. I know you’re disappointed. But that sort of commitment would require me to charge exorbitant subscription fees (in direct conflict with my principle of FREE information for all), and we’d have to hire an army of Robo-Adusorons to moderate our crowded Facebook comments section. But thanks for reading all of my articles!

Now let’s get to the precious STATS!!!!

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Quarterbacks (Ranked by Passer Rating)
Carson Palmer – 94/154 (61.0%) 1,136yds 7.38ypa 8td 1int 98.3prtg
Russell Wilson – 135/207 (65.2%) 1,490yds 7.20ypa 11td 3int 98.1prtg
Colin Kaepernick – 143/224 (63.8%) 1,719yds 7.67ypa 11td 5int 94.3rtg
Austin Davis – 150/230 (65.2%) 1,680yds 7.30ypa 10td 5int 92.3prtg

Running backs (Ranked by Yards per Attempt)
Colin Kaepernick – 49att 260yds 5.3ypa 0td 1fum
Marshawn Lynch – 111att 482yds 4.3ypa 3td 0fum
Frank Gore – 102att 423yds 4.1ypa 1td 0fum
Zac Stacy – 66att 257yds 3.9ypa 1td 2fum
Andre Ellington – 128att 464yds 3.6ypa 2td 2fum

What’s changed?
Carson Palmer and Russell Wilson continue to battle for the top ranking amongst passers, while Kaepernick and Austin Davis battle for last place. The hierarchy has been established amongst NFCW quarterbacks. As usual, Kaepernick can take solace in his impressive rushing yards. Russell Wilson does not yet have the 45 rushing attempts required to qualify for these rankings.

The Seahawks Defense has rebounded a bit. They’re now Top 10 in most key categories, and they even tacked on a few turnovers and sacks. With the winless Raiders coming to Century Link Field, you have to believe they can take another step toward the historical dominance they displayed in 2013.

And ya gotta love bye weeks. San Francisco’s rankings improved in several categories, even though they didn’t do anything. I’ve lodged several complaints with the league office and hopefully this will be resolved soon. Also, check out the Rams’ defense. lol.

My Analysis:
All hail Russell Wilson! Lord of the Game-Winning Drive! This is one magical dude. He’s displayed the same sort of resilience and bravery that The Real BKOB Report is famous for. The non-believers will scramble for fuzzy math to explain it away, but he just continues to rack up comeback wins at a record pace. And thanks to his Golden Boner-worthy performance, the disastrous two-game losing streak of ’14 is has come to an end. We can breathe again!

Meanwhile the Arizona Cardinals remain two-games ahead of the pack after Carson Palmer did his best Russell Wilson impression in the 4th quarter. The Redbirds continue to make it happen. Even with opponents throwing it all over Patrick Peterson and company, no one can run against them and their turnover differential remains stellar. That’s a recipe for victory. They’re looking like the real deal. And they need to KNOCK IT OFF!!

The next few weeks are packed with division games, starting with the Rams and 49ers this weekend. Both teams are coming off of embarrassing losses and the game is being played on a neutral field. So it should be a good one.

And now, how about your feedback? How has this week’s edition of The Real BKOB Report impacted your life? Let us know in the comments section below.

Thank you, and always remember: Kill… Danny… O’neil.

AUTHOR

BKOB

A Golden Boner Award Winning Journalist, known for his perseverance and bravery. An inspiration to us all.

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