FPS: Frednesday Forty-Niner Football Famine

    900 507 nofriendo

    This week on Frednesday, the earth is still flat and the Seattle Supersonics put their franchise on the map to stay for many, many, many years to come with the signing of Kevin Durant! I can’t wait to see how that turns out for Seattle. Long Live the Sonics!!!

    But before we trigger the global audience, let’s waste some more of your bosses time pretending the NFL is actually about what happens between the whistles in this Frednesday’s Forty-Niner Football Famine.

    The current post-Exodus plaque upon Pharoah Jed’s kingdom is one of locker room jihad, making the great Santa Clara Football Famine of 2016 pale in comparison to the color lines COLONX is dividing 49er HQ hallways by. I, nor you, want 18 more weeks of jihad johnny jokes. So Frednesday is going to relegate the topic to innuendo and meme henceforth.

    Here you can see COLONX putting shine on that ex-Stanford CB from the Northern Boonies.

    Here you can see a draft comparison of COLONX next to a man.

    Here we see what Tribe’s generation did to Ken Doll. Job well done! [CKX protested this hate speech by continuing to not stand until he feels my jokes are Imam-approved. CKX, trim your beard! you look like a wild animal loosed in the streets!]

    Here we see what the sky looked like over suburban Texas this week. Yes. Honestly. Naked Gun 331/3rd comes to mind, nothing to see here folks…

    The Blaine will continue to “start”. We have Wide Receiver’s, running back’s, and their coaches too. We had a really important defender injured. Another dude made a comeback. There was a “game”. Really just a practice for TV producers and another opportunity to protest the anthem. I think they played the Packers. They have a long haired guy named “Clay”. He takes it in the jaw like you wouldn’t believe. Next week they’ll play others. If the famine continues past that, it’s going to be a long winter… Your expectations are entirely out of pocket. I blacked out at “The Blaine”.

    In baseball news: i’m truly looking forward to a Red Sox outfield of Alexander Pujols, Tim Tebow and COLONX. Haha… he thinks he has national anthem problems now…

    And back to Flat Earth News..

    This photo is the first rocket-camera from space (194?), its high up, and not in color or digital, so clearly it’s doctored to remove the curve. Or, the world done been flat and you suck at math. It’s not my problem. Again, why can’t you people just ask simple questions? Non-Euclidean geometry cannot navigate a plane!

    Can i ask you a question, if you buff a sheet of gold foil up so it’s too bright to even look at, and place it in an oven that is one degree higher than gold’s melting temperature, will the shiny surface reflect the heat and preserve the gold from melting?

    Here’s a follow up, direct sun in space is hotter than gold’s melting temperature. How do they make it so satellites don’t combust in space?

    I’ll give you a hint: they don’t, you pineapple! Satellites don’t exist in space because satellites can’t survive in space. It’s math, try it.

    AUTHOR

    nofriendo

    All stories by: nofriendo
    3,969 comments

    Comments are closed.