Here is a mock draft. Here is how it was compiled: All current picks are used with the exception of Seattle. I allowed a trade down from the first (pick 26) to the second (pick 35) because Seattle likes to trade down and because I want them to trade down. I don’t care enough about the other teams to mock out these kinds of scenarios. I allowed them to get an early 4th, 5th, and 7th round pick for this trade. That is roughly equivalent to what Jimmy Johnson’s trade chart would suggest. In reality, they would probably only get an early 4th round pick, but I liked my scenario better. I also allowed them to trade Marshawn Lynch for a 7th, even though I doubt that will happen.
I used the prospect rankings at cbssports.com to determine what prospects would be available at each selection point. Some of them are unrealistic in my opinion. For example, Marlon Humphrey will probably not actually be available at pick 35, but cbssports.com says he will be, so don’t bitch about it.
On a side note, how lucky are San Francisco fans? Their team is so lacking in talent that almost any selection, at any position, will be an improvement. They can go BPA all the way down! It is a fun time to be a fan of that team.
Brew, for you, just assume that Green Bay will draft average front seven players and offensive lineman, and some good late round corner backs that will get injured and/or leave after 4 years.
The teams are listed from most awesome to least awesome.
First and Best – Seattle Seahawks (They Run the West, and will get Another Lombardi):
Round 2, Pick 35 – Marlon Humphrey, CB, Alabama – He won’t actually be available here, but if he is, Seattle will probably draft him. He is supposedly the top CB on their board. Fall back options for reality include Quincy Jones and Obi Melifonwu (The Malibu Waffle). Any of these three would present an athletic corner with physicality, size, and length. If Seattle wanted to look at a non-DB, Tyus Bower might be an interesting option for them at SAM. He’s like TJ Watt only blacker (faster, but less studious).
Round 2, Pick 58 – Josh Jones, SS, North Carolina State – Recognize Bitch. He’s a thumper. Can excel at special teams, back up Kam Chancellor, and see the field in big nickel packages in Seattle’s “new” 4-2-5. It’s a good draft to double dip on defensive backs with early picks. Restock the secondary. Dominate scrub divisional opponents.
Round 3, Pick 90 – Carlos Watkins, DT, Clemson – He seems underrated to me. Looked like an animal whenever I watched Clemson play. Provides interior pass rush, which Seattle will be looking for.
Round 3, Pick 102 – Nico Siragusa, OG, San Diego State – Broad jumper extraordinaire, has hops, can bench; 3-for-3 in Tom Cable’s Holy Grail of offensive lineman evaluation methodology. Although Cable might be turned off by his propensity to actually block people on occasion, we’ll just have to trust that our offensive line guru can convert him into a pass block whiffer in no time.
Round 3, Pick 106 – Rasul Douglas, CB, West Virginia – Slight over draft here, but he’s a big physical corner with attitude. Probably only rated as a 4th/5th round prospect because of his lack of speed (4.59 40).
Round 4, Pick 110 – George Kittle, TE, Iowa – This Athenian Vanilla Man-God was considered a very good in-line blocker coming out of Iowa’s run-heavy offense, and then he popped a 4.52 at the combine.
Round 5, Pick 151 – Brandon Wilson, FS, Houston – The raid on defensive backs continues with the drafting of Houston corner Brandon Wilson. But what’s this? He’s too short to be a Seattle corner, right? Yeah bitch, but this little fucker tested out like an ET clone. Gonna convert this speedy, physical corner to free safety (with cover skills).
Round 6, Pick 210 – Stevie Tu’ikolovatu, DT, USC – Seattle was scoping out USC’s proday pretty hard. Then someone mentioned that this guy is an underrated run stuffer. Fits Seattle’s profile at nose tackle, where they need depth.
Round 7, Pick 222 – Joe Williams, RB, Utah – I doubt he’ll still be here, but if he is, I think Seattle would value him as a backup to the CJ Prosise role. Speedy playmaker…, which again suggests he won’t actually be here. Seattle’s fall back plan could then be a shitty “offensive lineman” that can dunk like a motherfucker.
Round 7, Pick 226 – Algernon Brown, FB, BYU – He can catch, and kind of run, and block. But mostly, what a name for a fullback!
Round 7, Pick 242 – Glen Antoine, DT, Idaho – Played well at NT for the Vandals, and as a bonus, got snaps at fullback, and JSPC do seem to like overgrown fullbacks (he’s 6’4”, 335).
Bonus mentions for priority free agents for Seattle:
Bug Howard – Big athletic WR from North Carolina.
Michael Rector – Smart, tough WR from Stanford. Listed as a priority free agent. Actually has decent size and speed. Seattle has an in for recruiting undrafted WRs.
Cam Keizur – Center from Portland State. Athletic. Nine-foot broad jump +. Played well against Washington’s solid interior defensive line.
Jylan Ware – OT from Alabama State. Athletic lineman that can’t block. Cable loves these guys.
Mason Zandi – OT from South Carolina. Athletic. Can’t block.
Tueni Lupamanu, DT/FB – Both he and Glen Antoine suited up at fullback for the Mighty Idaho Vandals. The Seahawks also ran Idaho’s proday, suggesting some interest. These are the only decent players on the team, and they are both ugly defensive lineman (where Seattle needs depth) that played FB (which Seattle likes).
Xavier Coleman – Physical slot defender. Deshawn Shead mold from the same Portland State talent factory. He has been getting more attention lately though, so he might not be available as an undrafted free agent.
I won’t discuss priority free agents for the Cardinals, 49ers, and Rams because those teams aren’t important enough and I am not as familiar with their likes and dislikes.
Second, and Declining – Arizona Cardinals (Let’s all Pray for Bruce’s Hemorrhoids):
Round 1, Pick 13 – Deshaun Watson, QB, Clemson – Lol, DHC.
Round 2, Pick 45 – Quincy Wilson, CB, Florida – I won’t be getting into these prospects as much as I did for Seattle’s, because I don’t care as much, but it feels like Arizona needs another CB.
Round 3, Pick 77 – Zay Jones, WR, East Carolina – He feels like a guy that everyone thinks is going to surpass expectations, yet they refuse to move him up the draft board accordingly. They just let that one DUI acquiring retard leave, so they could use another WR. He would be a sponge for Larry’s wet, dripping knowledge and example.
Round 4, Pick 119 – Kareem Hunt, RB, Toledo – Could make a great combo with David Johnson. Can catch, doesn’t fumble, good balance.
Round 5, Pick 157 – Tanoh Kpassagnon, DE, Villanova – Big athletic 5-technique type defensive end.
Round 5, Pick 179 – Cole Hikutini, TE, Louisiville – Underrated pass catcher. He and Zay Jones could grow old together with Deshaun Watson.
Round 6, Pick 197 – Zane Gonzalez, K, Arizona State – Fresh meat for Bruce Arians psychological war against players that fail under pressure.
Round 7, Pick 231 – Chad Kelly, QB, Mississippi – I guess he would compete with Watson to take over as Carson Palmer’s heir.
Third and Interesting – San Francisco 49ers (LOL, They are so Bereft of Talent):
Round 1, Pick 2 – Solomon Thomas, DL, Stanford – Solomon can play all over the defensive line, and maybe even as a rush linebacker. Versatile pass rusher. High motor. A more athletic version of Michael Bennett. The 49ers couldn’t get to the QB last year, and there’s a big drop off in pass rusher ability early on in this draft. Myles Garret might have a higher ceiling, but I’d take Solomon for his ethos and versatility.
Round 2, Pick 34 – Patrick Mahomes, QB, Texas Tech – A little bit of a surprise. Maybe Kyle Shanahan thinks he can harness this gunslinger, although KS might prefer a more obedient and “coachable” disciple. Whoever they select at QB will fail. Because.
Round 3, Pick 66 – Dalvin Tomlinson, DT, Alabama – The 49ers’ new defensive coordinator marched up to the podium and declared that come hell or high water, they would stop the run. Dalvin can be a big rectangular 3-tech in the mold of Seattle’s defense, from which said coordinator was spawned.
Round 4, Pick 109 – Elijah Qualls, DT, Washington – Run stuffing nose tackle for their new 4-3 under.
Round 4, Pick 143 – Brian Hill, RB, Wyoming – Shanahan will want running backs that can catch. I think this guy can catch. And he can run.
Round 5, Pick 146 – Bucky Hodges, TE, Virginia Tech – Vance McDonald is not the answer.
Round 5, Pick 161 – Aaron Jones, RB, Texas (El Paso) – Let Kyle Shanahn continue to restock the depleted running back talent. This guy can run and catch. He and Brian Hill can give Shanahan a duo like what he had in Atlanta (ideally).
Round 6, Pick 198 – KD Cannon, WR, Baylor – The WR group in San Francisco is pitiful. I suppose they should draft some.
Round 6, Pick 202 – Ben Gedeon, ILB, Michigan – I don’t know anything about this guy, but I’m sure he’d make their roster as an ILB.
Round 7, Pick 219 – Tanner Vallejo, ILB, Boise State – LOOK MAYNERD, BOISE STATE!
Fourth and Blah – Los Angeles Rams (Los Angeles will Soon Forget about Them):
Round 2, Pick 37 – Takkarist McKinley, OLB, UCLA – Apparently the Rams think they can be just as mediocre and forgettable running a 3-4 as they were while running a 4-3. They have Quinn (new position) and Barwin (old fart) as their rush linebackers right now. They should probably get another one.
Round 3, Pick 69 – Cooper Kupp, WR, Eastern Washington – Good WR from a good WR class. He is not fancy but he has better athleticism than you would expect (he’s white) and is a high effort player. He deserves better than Goff, but alas.
Round 4, Pick 112 – Jayon Brown, ILB, UCLA – Played OLB at UCLA, can be a 3-4 ILB, where the Rams lack depth.
Round 4, Pick 141 – Jordan Morgan, OG, Kutztown. The Rams tap into the ever-reliable Kutztown College talent pipeline to upgrade the interior of their line. Someone said this guy might be able to play both guard and center.
Round 5, Pick 149 – Conor McDermott, OT, UCLA – Rams double dip at offensive line in an effort to improve a much maligned unit (as a Seattle fan, I find this approach to be excessive and unseemly).
Round 6, Pick 189 – Josh Reynolds, WR, Texas A&M – The Rams have a horrible WR group. I’m sure this bozo will upgrade it.
Round 6, Pick 206 – Dylan Cole, ILB, Missouri State – I know nothing about this person other than he plays a position where the Rams lack depth.
Round 7, Pick 234 – Michael Roberts, TE, Toledo – He has been projected to go higher than this, but not according to cbssports. He is a big lumbering type of TE. Something like 280 pounds. Good hands maybe? Or something. I don’t remember, but their TEs suck, so he might be able to help.
