KEAL’S HOT TAKES ON CARDINALS’ QB OPTIONS

    705 397 nofriendo

    FREE AGENTS / TRADES

    KIRK COUSINS

    Strengths: INCREDIBLY adept at making obscene amounts of money. He’s an earner. Seems to throw for lots of yards. Has his own tag line.

    Weaknesses: Overrated nerd. Probably believes in Jesus

    Odds of acquiring: 20%

    SAM BRADFORD

    Strengths: Can look off two safeties simultaneously. Lots of starts under his belt. Reasonably affordable.

    Weaknesses: Can be counted on for no more than 4 starts per season. Has to wear knee braces on his knee braces.

    Odds of acquiring: 50%

    TEDDY BRIDGEWATER

    Strengths: I really have no idea, he must be good at something. He is REALLY black.

    Weaknesses: He nearly had to have his leg amputated from a non-contact injury in PRACTICE. #SAD #MAGA

    Odds of acquiring: 30%

    BIG DICK NICK FOLES

    Strengths: Ideal size and arm strength for an NFL QB. SuperBowl MVP. Huge penis.

    Weaknesses: Gives all glory to God and keeps none for himself. What a maroon.

    Odds of acquiring: 40%

    2018 NFL DRAFT

    SAM DARNOLD

    Strengths: They say he is really good. IDK and IDC.

    Weaknesses: Heard him in an interview. Talks with a lisp, like a REALLY gay lisp.

    Odds of acquiring: 2%

    JOSH ROSEN

    Strengths: Most polished “pro-ready” prospect according to most scouts. Free thinker.

    Weaknesses: They say he is kind of an asshole like Jay Cutler. This is actually a strength IMO but I had to put something here. I like this kid.

    Odds of acquiring: 10%

    JOSH ALLEN

    Strengths: Gigantic man-child who can throw a football through a wall. Has comparisons to Carson Wentz because of the small school career

    Weaknesses: I don’t think he even shaves yet but he is strong like bull. Accuracy is an issue.

    Odds of acquiring: 20%

    BAKER MAYFIELD

    Strengths: Very accurate passer. Is more black than Russell Wilson. SWAG level is adequate. Hobbies include interpretive dance.

    Weaknesses: Undersized with small hands. Probably has a small penis as well which explains the “chip on his shoulder” everyone keeps yapping about.

    Odds of acquiring: 30%

    LAMAR JACKSON

    Strengths: Freakish athlete. Ability to sell fuck tons of jerseys for the Cardinals.

    Weaknesses: After listening to him in a radio interview yesterday, I have very real concerns that he is actually mentally retarded.

    Odds of acquiring: 80%

    AUTHOR

    nofriendo

    All stories by: nofriendo
    339 comments
    • Jcuonze716
      March 17, 2018 at 7:44 am

      It’s perfect time to make some plans for the future and
      it is time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I wish to
      suggest you few interesting things or tips. Maybe you could write
      next articles referring to this article. I
      wish to read even more things about it!

    • roserose62
      April 5, 2018 at 7:01 am

      Hello there, I found your site via Google at the same
      time as looking for a related subject, your website got here up,
      it seems to be great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.

      Hi there, just turned into aware of your weblog through Google, and
      located that it’s really informative. I am going to watch
      out for brussels. I’ll appreciate if you happen to proceed this in future.
      Many people can be benefited out of your writing. Cheers!

    • ash b
      April 6, 2018 at 2:27 pm

      I have been browsing online more than 3 hours lately,
      but I by no means discovered any attention-grabbing article
      like yours. It’s lovely worth sufficient for me.
      In my opinion, if all webmasters and bloggers made excellent content as
      you probably did, the internet might be much more
      helpful than ever before.

    Comments are closed.