A Desperate Man

There once was a man named leaK. He was responsible for organizing a social club for the mentally deranged. He was also responsible for collecting art (poetry and rantings and the like) from them individually, and sharing it with all of them. One day all of the deranged people stopped appreciating leaK. They stopped supplying him with their art. They stopped giving him the monies for him to run his club. So, leaK finally snapped. First, he took it out on his family. He called his daughter fat. He called his wife an unrealistic perfectionist, and then he called his sons a “couple of unoriginal retreads.” It was brutal. Then, he started yelling at the deranged people he was supposed to take care of. They were mostly too stupid to care though. Plus, they were too busy arguing over whether Donald J. Trump was a good candidate to be the leader of the American Empire. Yep. Some of them thought he was. Some of them also thought Goff might eventually turn out “okay.” It was a useless bunch of degenerates; barely able to dress themselves and slog through the day without being imprisoned, deported, or being outwitted by their pets. I forget where I’m going with this. Oh yeah, leaK went crazy. He radicalized. He fell into cahoots with the wikileaks crowd and introduced them to Red Bull. It gave them wings and quadrupled their efficiency. This led to their successful undermining of American democracy. Without the American democracy, there was no longer a safety net for the vast majority of Americans that were unable to thrive outside of their corporate jobs that could really be performed by your average 14-year-old Sri Lankan. And, so it came that tens-of-millions of young Sri Lankans, Indians, Indonesians, Pakis, and Irishmen came to America and stole our jobs. Only the uber-competent CEO types were able to prosper. Unfortunately, they were still beholden to previously wealthy investors, and were only allowed to pursue ventures with ROIs greater than 12%. As such, long term innovation was stifled, and the engineers and scientists of our nation were left without work. Without high paying jobs, these nerds were unable to find women that would breed with them, so over time, the smart people died. Left behind were the huddled masses shouting “USA, USA, USA!” and “DRILL BABY DRILL!” But soon, they realized that they did not actually know how to drill. The smart people took that knowledge to their graves. As the years went by, 1-by-1 our satellites fell from orbit or broke down. Cell phones went out. People could not take selfies, and were thus thrust into an existential crisis that they could only escape from by forcibly establishing their place in society. Alpha males emerged. They took the resources and women that they wanted. The less physically dominant dumb men were driven away. As were the fat or otherwise unattractive women. As outcasts, these undesirables were forced to have sex with each other, creating dumb, fat, and physically weak spawn. Over time, these conditions worsened and a new species of retarded fat sloths was eventually created. Meanwhile, the dumb alpha males and the dumb hot bitches kept fucking, making dumb hot babies. A new Hollywood was spawned, sans the technology of film. Without film, they were forced to draw on walls to showcase their hotness. Eventually all the walls were covered in pictures and they had to go searching for new walls. They found some inside of caves, where they spent most of their time, drawing pictures of themselves. Well, all that time in the caves was not good for them. They became pale and placid. They became ugly. A new breed of ugly cavemen was spawned. So, when you’re deciding whether or not to make a small donation to leaK, or whether or not to take 10 minutes to write a shitty article like this one, just picture DGdub with sloth features and do what’s right for humanity.