So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Welcome back, Fredtattas, kick your Taco Truck’s into ludicrous speed and batten down your burqa’s, we’re about to see how low this bitch can go and still make it back up, it’s Fredemption Frednesday again!
This Frednesday we nose dive into the basement to recap our lead squandering division where the NFCwest becomes the NFCEast in a horrific case of football leprosy, we comb the Arizona desert for a tiny little quarterback for an early, yet timeless, trollchristmas present (Man, we ain’t found sh-t), and we wish! oh how we wish you were here! It’s Fredemption Frednesday!
THE LOL’s Recap
LATT’s 10
Giants 17
El Rams el sprungo to a 10 – 0 lead that was el kabongo about the time of their del pick-6-oh at the 7:00 mark of the 2nd qtr; even though they still led in points. They would not go on to score any more of them, in a prequel to the latter battle-of-Taco Bell-turds in Arizona. Turning it over 3 more times on the road is Fisher’s 8-8-4LYFE Job Security Plan. It’s a scheme fearfully and wonderfully made. Honestly, he’s worth like $190 Million. He does not care. He hides it all in that Big Gay “F-you” Mustache. He’s a mustachioed bandit, the likes we’ve never seen.
He and Harbaugh must have some good laughs. “Hey Jim, when ya gonna quit running High School chain-gangs with that big doofy smile on your face, and come back to the NFL, doin’ what i do?” /brushes that comb from SpacBalls across face
Jim: “Eh, what’s the difference, El Jeffe?” /big doofy smile
[pause]
Both: “LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL-gasp-LOLOLOLOLOLOL”
[click]
Oh Keal, these tacos were a bad choice.
LOL 6
LOL 6
Oh My Keal… What. Is. This?
WHAT in the FRED is THIS?
Is THAT a 6-6 TIE, Private Carrol???
What in the holy hell is A 6-6 DOUBLE-OVERTIME-TIE doing on my television set, Private Arians?
Fred, my Fredskins, is simply beside Fredself.
I just wanna point out a couple things. First, a 28 yard pooch-kick to win: #WideLeft.
Laces out, Russ.
Thirdly, through, what was it, 9 quarters? the Hawks had 111 yards passing offense (-sacks) & 52 yards rushing offense? Were they present at the game? Did Seattle play quarters without fielding an offense? Is this a new Carrol X-Box strategy? Is he drinking with Chip on the weekends at Phil Knight’s Disney Nike Coke-a-Cola Nickelodian Dreamworks Football Camp?
Gotta tell ya, we’re pretty satisfied just with that. But wait, there’s more.
R. ‘POCKETROCKET’ W. hung in there for 35 attempts to amass seattles 250 yards total offense, for a YPA of LO.L. Were they taking knees every other play?
35 times into 111 is like 3.3. It’s unprofessional. Somebody call the NFL-NAACP, Seattle fans should file a lawsuit. He’s ruining their long illustrious history of championship quarterbacks. This is an outrage.
John Ryan punted 9 times. lol
Seattle had less than half the 1st downs than Arizona.
This is brutal. Dude, you watched this?
Even Carson Palmer was laughing his ginger-headed ass off, checking his iWatch step-counter in huddles.
Earl “Who’s Gonna Tackle?” Tomas had 1 (one) tackle.
According to metrics EACH team had at separate instances a greater than (>) 97% chance of winning.
Yeah, that last one has got to have some mustard to it.
Cuz neither team won.
What kinda loser do you have to be to blow a 97.3% chance of winning?
Oh my Keal.
We’ve got 2.
BUCS 34
4Xers 17
ColoX had more passing yards than RlolW, on a lower completion percentage, with 1 less attempt. These two are wrestling for first place in a slave auction, OIOW, “last place”.
Uhh… Xers jumped out to a 14pt lead, to of course slowly strangle it to death. Only putting up a limp-ankled FG in the 4th, as if Chip saves face for letting the soccer guys ring the bell. Like, c’mon bro.
Run something constructive. Clearly the team is not organized around football principles. I don’t know what sorta Mickey Mouse in Neon Nike’s Operation you think yer runnin’ over there…
aww, who’s Fred kidding? I hope they all got sunburnt to a crisp and sat in traffic and smelt farts for hours in public transit with nothing but -$900 and a scarlet fuzzy finger to show for it. “You gave them blood to drink, it is what the deserve!”
NFL rushing defenses ranked 1-31 are giving up between 71(GB) and 139.9(CLE) yards per game to offenses.
SF? 185ypg.
NFL scoring defenses have given up a range from 1.) 84 (MIN) to 31.) 207 (CLE) total points this season.
SF? 219ppg.
What are you garlic-fry-eating freaks doing down there in Santa Clarita?
This is a joke. That’s what this is.
You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth.
Listen to this song and black out, my fredista’s. Put this Frednesday to sleep. Rock a bye baby on this lullabye. Ol’ Freddy’ll see ya on the other side.
Till Next Frednesday; if you get a lead, hold it, don’t blow it. And don’t forget, this fishbowl is stored up for fire. Oh, and don’t let them feed you the same old fears. Oh, how i wish, how i wish you were here…
WISH YOU WERE HERE (1975) Pink Floyd
So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field
from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
Did they get you to trade
your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
a walk on part in the war
for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
Spikedkoolaid
My people