NUMBER ONE: Paul Allen
“Born in 1953 in Seattle, Washington, Paul Allen met fellow Lakeside School student and computer enthusiast Bill Gates when was 14 and Gates was 12. Less than a decade later, in 1975, college drop-outs Allen and Gates founded Microsoft. Allen resigned after being diagnosed with Hodgkin’s disease in 1983, and today continues to pursue other business, research, and philanthropic opportunities. According to Forbes, as of 2016, the self-made Microsoft entrepreneur is one of the wealthiest people in America with an estimated net worth of $19 billion.”
Paul Allen bought the Seahawks, and kept them from leaving the city (yay!). He also does not meddle, and in his spare time, finds long lost US warships (like the USS Indianapolis). He also plays in a rock bad, is an aviation enthusiast, philanthropist, owner of the Trailblazers, and minority owner of the Sounders…, and all around good guy. He even proudly flaunts horrible teeth, to show how down to earth he is.
NUMBER TWO: Stan Kroenke
Uh oh. This is a pretty big drop off from Mr. Allen. It makes you wonder how bad #s 3 and 4 are. Kroenke is a boorish real estate tycoon that views fans as annoying sources of income. He looks like a ghoul. He has some company that owns the Pepsi Center in Denver, and co-owns the place where the some other team plays. He is very boring. He also likes to move sports teams.
NUMBER THREE: Michael Bidwill
He is a boob. He has “football meetings” with Brucifer “The Hemorrhoid” Arians and that fat guy that is their GM…, and these meetings are played on stupid tv shows. He comes across as a total putz, and Brucifer and the fat man look pretty humiliated reporting to this ex-prosecutor on the specifics of football issues. I think Bidwill will be running their draft room in a few years.
NUMBER FOUR: Jed York.
Okay, he might not technically be their owner, but he acts like it (probably because his mommy and daddy are the real owners). Well, Jed is a bitch. He kicks kids off soccer fields, gets into petty lawsuits with his neighbors over the size of his cabana, and brags about high draft picks. He also fires great coaches if they don’t make him feel like a big enough man. He just hired a tv guy and a prepubescent coaches son to lead the way in Santa Clara. Santa Clara? Oh yeah, he moved the 49ers from San Francisco to Santa Clara, ripped off PSA holders with an albatross of a stadium that is probably the worst in the league, despite being one of the newest. It is better suited for Taylor Swift concerts and the Kentucky Derby crowd (their hats would protect them from the sun, which is a problem in that giant aluminum foil oven).
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