GOOD MORNING SKA USERS. IT’S TUESDAY AND THAT MEANS IT’S TIME TO ARM YOURSELVES… WITH KNOWLEDGE!!!
As the Knowledge Seekers are well aware by now, I do not consider the Rams to be an NFL Team. Yes, I know they occasionally beat the Seattle Seahawks by the narrowest of margins, but they also get blown out by the 49ers and Bills, before they dutifully begin their downward march back to basement from whence they came.
But this time, they’ve gone TOO FAR!!!
Recently, a very devoted Knowledge Seeker reached out to me. He-or-she asked that they remain anonymous, so I will simply refer to them by the code name “Silent Rob.”
Silent Rob writes in, and he says: “Dear BKOB, You are the greatest.” Why, thank you. “I read your articles every day, nonstop. I tell people that I read ALL of the articles on SpikedKoolAid.com, but the truth is that I only read yours. Truly you are the King of Knowledge.”
Silent Rob, I’m touched. He goes on: “Recently I noticed that you’ve color-coded the Team Stats in the Knowledge Tables. What a brilliant idea! A stroke of genius, really. But there’s one problem – Whenever the Los Angeles Rams rank in the Bottom 5 in a given category (as is often the case) I cannot read the Blue Font through the Red Highlighting. It hurts my eyes.”
…I’ll repeat that last part: “IT HURTS MY EYES…….(!!!???!)……”
THAT DOES IT FISHER!!! THIS TIME, IT’S PERSONAL!!! Your crappiness has cost Silent Rob the use of his eyes!! Maybe you can do that kinda stuff to Rams fans, BUT NOT THE KNOWLEDGE SEEKERS, DARNIT!!
So today I’m taking a pledge: I solemnly swear that I will only say mean and nasty things about the Rams, until they apologize for being terrible!
I await your response, Fisher. In the mean-time, let’s check out some STATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now with Fisher-Proof, Silent Rob-friendly Ram fonts!!
Passers (Ranked by Passer Rating)
RW (w/ 2 bad legs) 87/133 (65.4%) 1,064yds 8.0ypa 5td 1int 99.3prtg
A Luck 131/205 (63.9%) 1,469yds 7.2ypa 10td 3int 95.4prtg
A Rodgers 78/139 (56.1%) 617yds 6.6ypa 9td 3int 87.7prtg
C Palmer 90/153 (58.8%) 1,150yds 7.5ypa 6td 5int 81.9prtg
C Newton 77/133 (57.9%) 974yds 7.3ypa 6td 5int 80.2prtg
C Keenum 88/152 (57.9%) 1,096yds 7.2ypa 4td 5int 75.3prtg
B Gabbert 87/150 (58.0%) 890yds 5.93yds 5td 6int 69.6prtg
Rushers (Ranked by Rushing Yards)
D Johnson 91att 457yds 5.0ypa 5td 2fum
C Hyde 95att 377yds 4.0ypa 6td 1fum
C Michael 63att 290yds 4.6ypa 2td 0fum
T Gurley 105att 288yds 2.7ypa 3td 2fum
What’s Changed?
The 49ers are truly awful. But did you know that wasn’t always the case? A lot of our younger readers may not know about the storied history of the 49ers Franchise. It all started with a man named Jim Harbaugh. Today, he’s mostly remembered for choking in big games, never winning anything meaningful, and getting fired for his inability to beat the Seahawks. 49er Fans were very understanding of the whole situation, and believed it was all for the best.
But did you know that, statistically speaking, Jim Harbaugh was ACTUALLY a better Head Coach than Chip Kelly? It’s true!
Fortunately for you, Knowledge Seekers, I’ve saved every Knowledge Table I’ve ever published. So let’s take a walk down memory lane -shall we?- and see how Chip Kelly, the Offensive Genius, stacks up against other SF coaches in the Real BKOB Report Era (2014-present).
Huh. Would you look at that? Not only was Harbaugh a better Offensive Genius than Chip Kelly, but his successor Jim Tomsula was too. Who’da thunk it? I certainly hope that isn’t soul-crushing news to any of the 49er Faithful. In any case, it’s starting to look like firing Harbaugh -and Tomsula- might have been a big mistake.
And now you know the rest of the story… Good day!
My Analysis:
I’m usually right about everything. The most recent example can be found in last week’s BKOB Report, when I was extolling the Seattle Seahawks for their staggering statistical superiority, and I said “…it is only a matter of time before the Division Standings reflect this natural hierarchy.” I even bet my Golden Boner on it. Award.
Here we are just one week later and, lo and behold, the Seahawks are so unstoppable that they seized First Place on their Bye Week. Not only that, but their Defense now ranks #1 in the NFL in Yards Allowed Per Game. If they can keep up this Bye Week momentum, the Seahawks have a chance to make History. Now that Russell Wilson has legs, I expect the Offensive numbers to go way, way up in the coming weeks.
And now, how about your feedback? I made sure to bring extra Knowledge this week. You guys deserve it!! Let me know how it impacted your life, in the comments section below.
Lisa9er4life
FIRST!