As you have all probably forgotten, I used to write some articles for SKA; however, I stopped so I could focus on other life interests such as having sex, fighting, and yelling at my family. The fighting and yelling are going great. Thanks for asking. On a related note, I would recommend that you all take time to pursue your non-SKA interests and engage in physical activity. My doing so has helped me slim down to a svelte 450 (that’s while wearing clothes), and improved my stressing coping skills, which has in turn helped with the psoriasis, edema, yellowed toe/finger nails, and even my stutter. I trust that it will also help with my erectile dysfunction, in time.
Sorry about the tangent. The purpose of this article is to rank SKA trolls. This is something that was requested by local blog bitch extraordinaire, Tribe. I’m just kidding. Tribe is a fellow Slavic mutt, descended from conquered and conquering peoples like myself. A man whose very DNA is infused with an instinctual understanding of savagery and survival. Someday, maybe even a top 5 SKA troll. Speaking of which, I present:
SKA’s Top 5 Trolls
2nd Runner up – iKitten
iKitten climbed to this spot on the list through pure effort. He has created an entire blog persona based on various types of swag, all of which are kind of intertwined and related somehow. He is one cool customer, so don’t bother coming at him with mundane communications. You’re going to need to blow his mind to get his attention. I’d recommend staring at lava lamps and listening to indie rock if you’re going to try and beat iKitten at his own game.
1st Runner up – Alexander Bader
Aspiring trolls would do well to model Bader’s persistence. He once insulted Lisa (more on her later) every few minutes of every day for over a year. And, when that didn’t work (work for what? I’m not sure, but this article doesn’t have to make sense), he killed himself twice in the same day! Nobody understands his motivations, but they are provocative. He may have been ranked higher on this list, but his troll defense needs work. Begging people to “Please leave me alone” is ineffective on SKA.
3rd Place – Lisa
Lisa is a woman, which gives her an unfair advantage when it comes to trolling men, but I’m not going to take away any points just because of her biology. Lisa is the opposite of Bader in terms of her troll strength, she is more a defensive troll than an offensive one. I remember one night long ago when Kurt (Cinco, 43rd ranked troll) was up all-night planning to “take out Lisa tomorrow” (weird back story). Well, when the next day rolled around, he bombarded Lisa with what he called his “Crane Style” and she just laughed and called him a cuck…, then added a little smiley face to the end of her comment. It was fucking brutal. Kurt died.
2nd Place – Scotti
The less we talk about Scotti, the better. It’s like reading a book on serial killer profiling or demonic possessions. Suffice to say, Scotti is a nice young man that loves his mother. He’s also rumored to be the ring leader of “The Goon Squad,” a group of untrollables that occasionally band together to backhand bitches. Nobody knows if this group actually exists or not.
1st Place – Silent Bob
In the beginning of trolling, when Jesus Christ and Lucifer where hashing out the boundaries of morality and the limits of mankind, Silent Bob went by a different name. They called him “Zorstique.” Today, even the biggest trolls are fearful of him. You never when he’s going to pop in suddenly with a polite greeting. Trolls live in fear that he is lurking, taking note of their ill behavior. And to what end? Nobody knows, but it’s probably hideous.
Tribe – Top 3 in wits, full of potential. Very funny.
DGdub – His death syrup has killed thousands and added billions of dollars to our nation’s health care costs.
K1 – Step correct or he’ll “launch you into outer fucking space.”
OSS – He’s not buying your bullshit.
BKOB – His knowledge has made a lot of fans of shitty teams pretty upset.
KZ – memes.
Vegas – STDs.