The Real BKOB Report – 2018 – Week 15 Edition

    835 425 BKOB


    The Collapse of Reality strikes again, Knowledge Seekers. This time the victim was a 10-game win streak over the 49ers. That’s fine. That’s fine. That’s fine.

    This development forces dozens of Niner Fans to adjust the Mock Drafts they’ve been working on since Week 3, and launches Nick Mullens into a special realm of Niner-History alongside Joe Montana, Steve Young and Jimmy Garoppolo.

    What followed was a bloodthirsty Anti-Reality orgy of ignorance featuring Adu-sightings and Danny O’neil-worship. I had the Golden Boner Award temporarily relocated to Saudi Arabia for safekeeping, while I watched the whole thing from my Panic Room.

    Here’s a screenshot of the CARNAGE that took place in the streets of the NFCW:


    But hey, nothing lasts forever and you gotta give the Niners credit: they stayed composed down the stretch and allowed the Seahawks to beat themselves. This is easily the biggest victory in their Franchise’s history, so let’s let them enjoy it.

    You know what always makes me feel better?… STATS!!!!!!!!!!!!

    NFCW Quarterbacks (Ranked by Passer Rating)
    R Wilson – 250/377 (66.3%) 3,025 yds, 8.0 ypa, 31 td, 6 int, 111.6 rtg
    J Goff – 330/512 (64.5%) 4,273yds, 8.4 ypa, 27 td, 13 int, 97.6 rtg
    N Mullens – 131/203 (64.5%) 1,754yds, 8.6 ypa, 10td, 6int, 96.0 rtg
    J Rosen – 187/336 (55.7%) 2,042 yds, 6.1 ypa, 10 td, 14 int, 66.3 rtg
    J Garoppolo – 53/89 (59.6%) 718 yds, 8.1 ypa, 5 td, 3 int, 90.0 rtg
    C Beathard – 102/169 (60.4%) 1,252 yds, 7.4 ypa, 8 td, 7 int, 81.8 rtg
    S Bradford – 50/80 (62.5%) 400 yds, 5.0 ypa, 2 td, 4 int, 62.5 rtg

    NFCW Rushers (Ranked by Rushing Yards)
    T Gurley – 256 att, 1,251 yds, 4.9 ypc, 17 td, 0 fum
    C Carson – 201 att, 913 yds, 4.5 ypa, 6 td, 3 fum
    D Johnson – 231 att, 843 yds, 3.6 ypa, 7 td, 2 fum
    M Breida – 149 att, 794 yds, 5.3 ypa, 3 td, 1 fum

    What’s Changed?
    The So-Called Rams have permanently reverted back to their losing ways, as their annual late-season Death Spiral arrives just in time for the Playoffs. It’s really no mystery why they’re losing now: Their offense has moved further and further away from Todd Gurley. Don’t believe me? I got stats.

    During LA’s preposterous 8-0 start, Gurley was averaging 21 carries per game. Since then he’s gotten only 14.5 carries per game, and in their 3 losses only 12 carries per game. The Rams were once 1st in Rushing, and have now fallen to 7th. See? Told ya.

    I don’t know why Sean McVay allows his HOF RB waste away while he puts the game in the hands of random QBs who no one will remember 20 years from now.

    In his last three games, Goff has thrown 1 TD and 7 INTs. Nick Mullens is poised to overtake him on the BKOB Report QB Rankings. It’s as though he was visited by the Ghost of Rams Past.

    My Analysis
    This is the part of the article where I feel compelled to say something about the Arizona Cardinals. The truth is that I haven’t ripped on them much because, for some reason, I like Josh Rosen. There, I said it.

    I really don’t know why – he’s not good, I hated him in College, I hated him during the draft, but for whatever reason he’s grown on me. I blame his lack of progress directly on Steve Wilks, whose team is getting worse and worse every week – in true Jim Mora Jr.-fashion.

    I left Bradford’s stats up there so AZ fans could appreciate how much better Rosen was playing. It’s beginning to appear like that decision might have a different result than I intended.

    And now, how about your feedback? There’s only TWO MORE BKOB Reports left this season?? This cannot be so!! I’m not ready for the Knowledge to end!!

    Thank you, and always remember: Kill… Danny… O’neil…………………..



    A Golden Boner Award Winning Journalist, known for his perseverance and bravery. An inspiration to us all.

    All stories by: BKOB

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published.