That’s right, Fred Heads and Knowledge Seekers. I lost a bet to Fred fair and square, so enjoy this very-early, very-special edition of Frednesday with a very-special guest author. Can such a bizarre hybrid of pleasures even be legal? We’re about to find out. Buckle up, it’s BKUESDAY!!
I was given a specific set of instructions on how to do this, and in true Frednesday fashion I’ve decided to ignore them. It’s Frednesday Eve, so let’s get festive!!
I’m sailing away set an open course for the virgin sea
I’ve got to be free free to face the life that’s ahead of me
On board I’m the captain so climb aboard
We’ll search for tomorrow on every shore
And I’ll try oh Lord I’ll try to carry on
The Niners have turned failure into an art form, and Jed York is its Great Master. They might even name a Ninja Turtle after him.
They’ve taken the same lackadaisical attitude toward their Front Office/Coaching Staff that they did with Free Agency, and we all expect the same results. Still, though, hiring a new Head Coach is a tiring process, and poor Jed does it every year. Just remember, you get what you pay for.
But somehow he’ll miss out, on the pot of gold.
A Florida man murdered his wife, and then kept it hidden by posing as her on Facebook. “I can’t believe I dropped my phone in the toilet. I’m such an idiot,” he posted. “Message me here, til I can get it fixed.”
This is the future of crime in an impersonal, digital world: strangle your wife and then cover it up by cat fishing your in-laws. How many of your Facebook friends are actually alive? How can you possibly know for sure?
A gathering of angels appeared above my head
They sang to me this song of hope, and this is what they said
They said come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
When asked to comment of the abrupt end to his team’s season, Michael Bennett was quoted as saying:
“She should have died hereafter;
There would have been a time for such a word.
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.”
I thought that they were angels, but to my surprise
They climbed aboard their starship and headed for the skies
Singing come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
What’s that? A reference to Extra-Terrestrial life of Frednesday?? No, no, my friends. This is BKUESDAY!! #PrisonRules!!
In order to get serious about Pyramid Gravity Force, you must first understand a few things: One, it assumes the Earth is a globe (which we already know is true, because there are flying squirrels.) Two, every large pyramid on Earth has a sister volcano located 180 degrees from said pyramid on the other side of the planet and located at the approximate same latitude of said pyramid – a perpetual energy machine that works on gravity. It’s not a perpetual motion machine as nothing is in motion.
*KNOWLEDGE TABLES*
These pyramids were designed by ancient Geo-engineers to control and prevent tectonic plate movement, volcanic activity, tidal waves, major earth quakes, land movements and the magnetic field movements here on Earth. Man’s past and present destructive penetration into planet Earths pyramid’s has been the cause of many natural disasters around the world.
If it sounds complicated, that’s because it’s the most intricate and complex system ever devised. You think they had any help building these things?
It’s time, Knowledge Seekers, to cast off this egotistical notion that we have the Universe all to ourselves. Our existence has no such limits, and the Universe will go on long after we’re gone. So enjoy what you have now, and make the most of it, before you end up a crusty douche bag like Jive.
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
