Pete Carroll, the Benedict Arnold of USC
Documentary about the corruption behind the man
by Derpster
When I was forced out of the Clink many years ago, the stadium went by the name of Quest, I was unjustly forced from my seat for shouting obscenities at a rival fan. A mere “Dolphindick” exclamation severed the last ties I had with my favorite team. For those harmless, alcohol induced comments, I was stripped of my season tickets and indirectly, forced away from my season ticket partner and soul mate, Jennifer. My pleas and requests for re-approval were quickly denied, with the franchise making efforts to eliminate real fans to help bring in a new generation of hooligans and criminals to promote Carroll’s coming of power.
Despite the tragedy and crippling abuse of freedom, I trekked on and warned future generations of the evils of Medusa Head and Peter Carroll. I journeyed back to Egypt and Cush, to learn more about our world’s past, in order to use historical analysis to correlate it to Carroll’s future plans. Carroll’s prison system was at its peak this past off season when he employed 5 African American QBs. Although that might come off as racist, I assure you it is not, but more of a sign that Carroll has no problem changing quarterbacks. Veteran Hasselbeck was a beloved figure in Seattle before Carroll came and consecutive 7-9 seasons caused him to betray Hasselbeck in favor of unproven QB T-Jack. As the story goes, Carroll’s loyalty then fell on Matt Flynn, and finally the ever so evasive, Russell Wilson. Every QB Carroll has had, he has ruined with his crushing, overruling presence. Forcing them to run on plays where a simple hand off would suffice, or making him divorce his lovely wife in order to focus 100% on the regime. The selfish behavior by Carroll is also shown in the locker room. Players are not calling for Wilson’s head, claiming he’s not black enough, a rumor started after Carroll FORCED Wilson to watch Disney’s Frozen with him the weekend after the Super Bowl.
When Percival was first traded to the team, I was the adamant voice in disapproval. Carroll’s plans to force laziness, corruptness, and vice into the locker room comes at a cost. Although Harvin’s hands did not grip Carroll’s neck, as he was known for doing in the past, punching young playmaker Golden Tate in the eye will be Harvin’s most productive act in his short stay in the Emerald City, and his trade could not have come at a better time. For this, I am starting to give the team a second chance. Ancient Egyptians did not make the correct decision the first time, and like Frozen, as Russell Wilson would mention, true love is not found the first time you meet someone, but repeated meetings with multiple people until you find the right match. For the GM to trade Harvin, it shows that he knows he made a mistake with hiring the ex USC henchman. Perhaps J.S. can do what I always wanted to do, slam the door in Carroll’s face and tell him to jump off the Space Needle.
That being said, I look forward to the brighter days in Seattle. Where children no longer represent evil (i.e. wearing swastika in Nazi Germany) by wearing a Medusa Head jersey.
McHB
“Written by Derpster”
Author Block: TRIBE
Epic Fail here.