GOOD MORNING SKA USERS. IT’S TUESDAY AND THAT MEANS IT’S TIME TO ARM YOURSELVES… WITH KNOWLEDGE!!!
Tonight’s top stories: Goff was Off, Rosen was Frozen, and is Shanny Pakistani? All this and more, including a visit from Animal Expert Jim Fowler, on this week’s edition of The Real BKOB Report.
*intro music. Dun duh duh-duh dunnn duh*
Greetings Knowledge Seekers. I’m your host, BKOB.
Russell Carrington Wilson has proven, once again, that it’s physically impossible for him to have a losing season. You can’t stop this guy from winning! In 2016 he fought through TWO broken legs and a ruptured Pectoral Boner, and still led his team to a Division Title and a Playoff Victory. In 2017 his season was sabotaged by Anti-Reality Sleeper Spies (Cable, Walsh, Sherman) and he still led the league in TD passes, and won 9 games.
And now this year… Perhaps his greatest masterpiece yet. I can hardly contain my unbiased joy!
Let’s review some of Wilson’s teammates who left through Free Agency (Jimmy Graham, Sheldon Richardson), Roster Transaction (Michael Bennett, Richard Sherman), Retirement (Cliff Avril, Kam Chancellor), and those who have been unavailable due to injury (Earl Thomas, KJ Wright, Doug Baldwin).
Combined, those players account for 27 Pro Bowl Appearances,13 All-Pro Selections (8 First Team, 5 Second Team) and 7 Super Bowl Rings. That’s probably more than the other NFCW Rosters combined, although I don’t feel like looking it up. Baldwin and Graham had been the top 2 TD Scorers for the team, not to mention the loss of several key role-players and depth guys. Any Wilson-less team would have surely collapsed from such a catastrophic purge of talent (see: the 2015 49ers).
Instead, Seattle is careening towards the playoffs with one of the longest winning streaks in the league, getting hot at just the right time. In the last 4 weeks the Seahawks have beaten a future HOF QB, beaten Carolina in a Shootout, beaten SF in a Blowout, and beaten the Vikings in a low-scoring Defensive Slugfest. They are battle-tested finishers – something the So-Called NFCW Champions wouldn’t know anything about.
Of course Wilson doesn’t deserve ALL the credit (he DID just have the worst statistical game of his career, after all.) Pete Carroll is having the kind of legacy-cementing Season that should silence even his most delusional critics (Adu.) Carroll didn’t just “get lucky” with a few good Schneider drafts and ride the wave of talent. He didn’t catch lightning in a bottle by accident – He puts lightning in bottles! He knows how to do it!! There’s no other explanation!! His system is proven.
And speaking of systems that are proven, here are the Knowledge Tables. Featuring… STATS!!!!!!!!!!!!
NFCW Quarterbacks (Ranked by Passer Rating)
R Wilson – 227/346 (65.6%) 2,788 yds, 8.1 ypa, 29 td, 6 int, 111.0 rtg
J Goff – 295/458 (64.4%) 3,934yds, 8.6 ypa, 27 td, 11 int, 101.2 rtg
N Mullens – 111/174 (63.8%) 1,479yds, 8.5 ypa, 9td, 6int, 93.5 rtg
J Rosen – 174/314 (55.4%) 1,910 yds, 6.1 ypa, 10 td, 12 int, 68.3 rtg
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J Garoppolo – 53/89 (59.6%) 718 yds, 8.1 ypa, 5 td, 3 int, 90.0 rtg
C Beathard – 102/169 (60.4%) 1,252 yds, 7.4 ypa, 8 td, 7 int, 81.8 rtg
S Bradford – 50/80 (62.5%) 400 yds, 5.0 ypa, 2 td, 4 int, 62.5 rtg
NFCW Rushers (Ranked by Rushing Yards)
T Gurley – 244 att, 1,203 yds, 4.9 ypc, 15 td, 0 fum
D Johnson – 220 att, 810 yds, 3.7 ypa, 6 td, 2 fum
M Breida – 132 att, 744 yds, 5.6 ypa, 3 td, 1 fum
C Carson – 179 att, 794 yds, 4.4 ypa, 5 td, 3 fum
What’s Changed?
The So-Called Rams have been exposed, with the help of former-SeaVENGER Bradley Sowell’s victory-sealing TD reception. I told you the good guys would win in the end! This kind of loss tarnishes the NFCW Title, and the memory of Paul Allen. Sean McVay tried putting the game in the dainty hands of Jared Goff, allowing Wilson to widen the gap in the BKOB Report QB Rankings, and allowing Max Unger and the Saints to wrest control of the #1 Seed in the NFC (SeaVENGERs win again!) At this points, it seems like just a matter of time before the Rams lose their first playoff game to the Seahawks, or any number of former-Seahawks. Now THAT’S how you make a sequel!
LA now faces a veritable gauntlet in the final weeks, including the Defending World Champion Philadelphia Eagles, the Mighty Arizona Cardinals, and the 5x Super Bowl Winning San Francisco 49ers. It seems unlikely that they will ever win another game.
My Analysis
The Mighty Arizona Cardinals have amassed an impressive collection of Red Highlighting. I’d tease them about it, but really I’m the biggest loser in all of this. The fact that I have to spend time tracking their stats every week is the biggest troll of all. Self Own.
The Seahawks and 49ers face off this weekend. Seattle will bring their brooms with them, for the 5th year in a row, with hopes of forever vanquishing the Niner fans from SKA. There’s a lot of good memes riding on this game, so expect Levi’s Stadium to be packed with loud, passionate fans providing the sort of energetic homefield environment the Seahawks have come to enjoy in Santa Clara.
Seattle’s Offense is #1 in Rushing, and have the fewest Turnovers in the League. Seattle has never lost at Levi’s Stadium. The 49ers Defense hasn’t had a takeaway since week 8, they have the worst Turnover Differential on the planet, and the worst record… This one’s a toss-up.
And now, how about your feedback? My apologies to Jim Fowler. We ran out of time, we’ll try and get him on next week!
Thank you, and always remember: Kill… Danny… O’neil…………………..
Yoshii
I want to cum inside Vegas.