Howdy.
Welcome back and all that. Each week, I’ll post a quick writeup of pending AFC North games, with a few notable points and, yes, timely, knowledgeable predictions regarding the games’ outcomes.
As usual, these picks are for fun and should in no way be used for actual wagering purposes. That is, unless you want to make a ton of money in a legal forum, because we know more stuff and things about football than you do or something.
Cincinnati Bengals @ Cleveland Browns
Thursday, September 19, 8:20 pm, NFLN
The winner escapes a winless season and NFL ingominy. The loser has to contend with either a) further media – social or otherwise – denigration of their franchise as a whole, or b) another week of “they’re actually better than this” speculation and faux concern. I’m guessing both teams would rather win.
Given the state of both franchises, I’ll go with the home-field Browns. The Bengals’ defense is currently woeful beyond the defensive line, and despite their poor showing in Baltimore last week, the Browns simply have more talent overall, with much of it on offense. That will be enough to carry the evening.
DOOOMMEEEEDD: Bengals 35, Browns 45
Me: Bengals 17, Browns 24
Denver Broncos @ Pittsburgh Steelers
Sunday, September 20, 1:00 pm, CBS
Last week saw the return of the AFC North’s only starting QB over the age of 25, and fans were not disappointed. Ben Roethlisberger looked sharp and decisive against an admittedly weak Giants secondary, but his longevity at age 38 remains a viable concern. The Broncos, meanwhile, narrowly lost to the 2019 AFC Championship losers, the Tennessee Titans, on the strength of an overmatched, aging kicker’s leg. Advantage: Pittsburgh.
The matchup evokes memories of the “Mile High Miracle”, but with a few significant differences – Tim Tebow is now property of the New York Mets, and the game is in Pittsburgh, which should allow the Steelers’ superlative defense to easily dispatch the fledgling Broncos.
DOOOMMEEEEDD: Broncos 16, Steelers 26
Me: Broncos 10, Steelers 27
Baltimore Ravens @ Houston Texans
Sunday, September 20, 4:25 pm, CBS
The Ravens embark on their first road game against the mercurial (poorly coached) Texans, whose offseason roster mismanagement cost them a premier wide receiver and severely overvalued their left tackle. Head coach/GM Bill O’Brien would appear to be on borrowed time.
Front office issues notwithstanding, the Ravens’ offense is simply too talented and elusive for the likes of the Houston defense, even oft-injured standout DE J.J. Watt, who will spend most of the afternoon looking at Ravens QB Lamar Jackson’s back.
DOOOMMEEEEDD: Ravens 30, Texans 24
Me: Ravens 31, Texans 16
See y’all there.
LOL McJonesJohnson
looooooooooooooooooooooooooooool