Ranking my fellow SKA’ers as potential roommates
- Silent Bob: Let’s start with the cream of the crop. What makes Silent Bob great is that he is silent, and knows when to shut the fuck up. He also owns multiple ducks, which would ensure a reliable source of fresh eggs during his stay.
Rating: A+ - Sc0tti: Moving to the opposite side of the autism spectrum, we have sc0tti. If anyone in life could be a walking red flag it would be him. His inability to hold a steady job would make him a financial liability for paying his share every month. Oh and listening to him hammer away at a keyboard at 3am would also drive me fucking crazy.
Rating: F - Vegas: As a virgin, you don’t have to worry about Vegas bringing some bar slut home at 2am and having loud sex. He is also one of the highest earning and educated SKA’ers. Add to that he can get us free water through a simple “clerical error” at work.
Rating: A+ - Keal: This one could go either way. The good – Keal is a highly functioning alcoholic who likes smoking weed. He already has a high tolerance of my bullshit, and can suck a fart through a garden hose. The bad – Keal is a highly functioning alcoholic. He has also admitted to not showering daily, as little as twice a week on average. Keal is also highly racist towards Asian women, and is banned from every Oriental restaurant in the metropolitan Scottsdale area. And he drives a Prius.
Rating: C+ - Jordy: As a fellow Assistant Superintendent and drug user, I think Jordy and I would vibe really well. That being said, he is a disgusting human being with a blatant lack of basic hygiene. His abundance of shitty tattoos also lead me to believe he has poor decision making capability. Add to the fact that he would shed toenails throughout the house.
Rating: D+ - Rant: As someone who gets offended when the toilet seat gets left up, I think that Rant would have a hard time with my clashing personality. Rant is what’s known as a Super Tranny Sympathizer, the kind that cannot be reasoned with on this planet. Our wifi would probably crash often when he has 397 clickbait articles opened at the same time.
Rating: F- - Lisa: Smokes cigarettes indoors.
Rating: F - Yoshi: Yoshi is currently confined to an insane asylum in Joplin, Missouri and is not suited to living in normal society at this time.
Rating: N/A - Gatr: Would probably beat the shit out of you in your sleep. Gatr is known for instilling violence in others too, like that time he egged his 10 year old son on to pummel an elderly Hispanic man like a pinata. He also calls snowmobiles “snowmachines” like a fucking retard.
Rating: F - Ronald LaCroix: A horny old man who slays pussy, great roommate material and potential wingman at the bar. Ron also collects social security and medicare, and probably has a bunch of prescription pills that he can sell me. Plus his handicapped license plate means we get primo parking anywhere we go.
Rating: A- - DGdub: As someone who has lived his life in a fucking igloo, duBz may struggle to interact with many of the basic features of a modern house. Such as, how to use a toilet, how to cook over a closed flame, or how to be a faithful husband. Listening to him play the tuba may also make me kill myself.
Rating: F - MFA: Can’t forget ole’ Butterboy. MFA would probably steal your girlfriend after giving her a five finger sex session. I imagine every doorknob in the house would become coated in a mixture of sweat and Arby’s Horsey Sauce from those kielbasa fingers. His PTSD flashbacks of Grenada would also become bothersome in the hour of the owl.
Rating: D-
