The Real BKOB Report – 2020 – Week 5 Edition

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    A special note to teams playing against Russell Carrington Wilson this year: Don’t have one bad quarter. And if you do, don’t make one mistake in the final minutes. Because otherwise… Well, you’ve seen what happens.

    Even if you manage to double Him up in Time of Possession, First Downs, and other non-BKOB Report stats and even if Darrell Bevell infiltrates the stadium and hijacks the the radio headset radio for the entire first half it’s just a matter of time before the Master Chef finds the right recipe for success.

    The 5-0 Seahawks lead the league in Highlighting, and are the most Action-Packed Team of all time!! Don’t believe me? Talk to the STATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    NFCW Quarterbacks (Ranked by Passer Rating)
    R Wilson – 123/169 (72.8%) 1,502 yds, 8.9 ypa, 19 td, 3 int, 129.8 rtg
    J Goff – 109/152 (71.7%) 1,372 yds, 9.0 ypa, 8 td, 3 int, 108.8 rtg
    K Murray – 126/181 (69.6%) 1,299 yds, 7.2 ypa, 8 td, 6 int, 90.9 rtg
    J Garopplo – 40/66 (60.6%) 467 yds, 7.1 ypa, 4 td, 2 int, 89.7 rtg

    NFCW Rushers (Ranked by Rushing Yards)
    K Drake – 85 att, 314 yds, 3.7 ypa, 2 td, 0 fum
    K Murray – 41 att, 296 yds, 7.2 ypa, 5 td, 0 fum
    C Carson – 61 att, 289 yds, 4.7 ypa, 3 td, 1 fum
    D Henderson Jr – 58 att, 260 yds, 4.5 ypa, 3 td, 0 fum
    R Mostert – 34 att, 238 yds, 7.0 ypa, 1 td, 0 fum
    J McKinnon – 35 att, 193 yds, 5.5 ypa, 3 td, 0 fum

    What’s changed?
    Russell Carrington Wilson spits in the face of Team Stats, and exposes the uselessness of my Knowledge Tables. Extraordinary! Yeah sure, your team has some Yellow Highlighting who cares? If you have more than 0 losses, you’re mathematically hopeless in this new world where the Mr. Unlimited rules over all he surveys! Resistance is futile!!

    Besides, the Seahawks would have a lot more Yellow Highlighting if I included 4th Down Knowledge. And I just might.

    Elsewhere in the NFCW, the So-Called Rams are quietly being annoying. It seems they are not the cartoonish punching-bags that their new uniforms make them appear to be. However, the NFCE-portion of their schedule is finished. I’d expect to see a corresponding decline in Yellow Highlighting in the coming weeks.

    And the Pitiful Arizona Cardinals enjoyed a slump-busting trip to New York. MetLife Stadium is like a day-spa for struggling NFCW teams that just need to get away from it all for a little while. Like re-playing a video game’s Tutorial when you get stuck during the Campaign.  Like a Football Fantasy Camp, where everyone gets their picture taken in the winner’s circle. They still lost to the Lions.

    My Analysis:
    The Selfish 49ers continue to pose an unnecessary Covid risk to the rest of the league. Seriously, if the process of elimination leaves you with CJ Beathard, you need to go back into quarantine for a year or two. The NFCW is supposedly one of the toughest Divisions in the NFL, at least it was until the Eagles and Dolphins came along.

    Now, after being out-coached by Brian Flores, Kyle Shanahan finds his team helplessly falling behind in a race that has barely even begun.  This isn’t horribly unfamiliar territory for Kyle and the 49ers. They started 0-5 in 2017 and 1-4 the following year, after making Jimmy G the highest paid QB alive. This year they’ve struggled mightily against opponents with a combined record of 6-17-1. By contrast, their next seven games brings an onslaught of Heavyweights with a combined record of 26-6. Sorry, Lisa.

     And now, how about your feedback? All of the Knowledge Seekers know the real “Russ For MVP” Campaign started right here on The Real BKOB Report!! Please congratulate me for being 6-8 years ahead of the Fake Knowledge Media, yet again!

    Thank you, and always remember: Kill… Danny… O’neil…………………



    A Golden Boner Award Winning Journalist, known for his perseverance and bravery. An inspiration to us all.

    All stories by: BKOB

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