GOOD MORNING SKA USERS. IT’S TUESDAY AND THAT MEANS IT’S TIME TO ARM YOURSELVES… WITH KNOWLEDGE!!!
Well Knowledge Seekers, all of our worst nightmares have seemingly come true. With every possible circumstance working against them since Thursday night – and aided by multiple fluke plays that changed the outcome important games (including Kyler Murray’s endzone INT in the final minute of the game, and Raheem Morris’ horrible clock management at the end of each half) – the mighty, mighty Seahawks – the most successful franchise in the history of the NFCW (2002-present) – have, by virtue of the 5th tiebreaker, been eliminated from Playoff contention.
OR DID HE??
I’m supposed to believe the Division race is over because ALL THE NETWORKS said so? I’m sorry, how many Golden Boners have they won? HMM?? I’m supposed to trust ESPN – that monument of ignorance? We left them for a reason, people. For now, we at SpikedKoolAid.com will wait until EVERY LEGAL GAME is counted!! Although I will admit, it’s not looking good for Seattle at the moment.
It appears the Division Title could be illegally STOLEN from the Seahawks by a rigged “tiebreaker” system that should be banned in all 50 states and US territories. Who’s with me?? If the NFL would adopt my Knowledge Tables as the official tiebreaker system, they would see that the so-called “Rams” finished dead last in the NFCW in SIX out of fourteen official BKOB Report categories (including Total Offense, Scoring Offense, and Total Defense) while the Seahawks finished last in only FOUR BKOB Report Categories. How do you explain THAT?? Seems awfully suspicious. Such a discrepancy should be investigated thoroughly. I’ve submitted a petition with the League, and I’m currently awaiting their response.
So how can we, as unbiased Sports Geniuses, avoid this catastrophic scenario next season? Well, I’ll tell you. According to my Knowledge, the Seahawks would have probably won the Division if they had one fewer redzone INT. The Seahawks ALSO finished the season 30th in rush attempts (unthinkable). If they doubled our rushing attempts next season, I predict that the turnovers would drop drastically – cuz how ya gunna throw redzone INTs if you’re running the ball? *taps brain to illustrate cleverness* That alone would put Seattle over the top in the NFCW standings, possibly forever.
To accomplish this task, I’ve interviewed and vetted several candidates for the newly created Offensive Play-calling Special Assistant on Seattle’s coaching staff. Pending the team’s approval, I would like to introduce my selection: Pedro Carrollini.
He already has a wardrobe full of Seahawks gear, and his own mansion on Lake Washington. How convenient. I look forward to Coach Carrollini joining the team and getting started right away.
Until that is resolved, let’s take our minds off of NFCW football by reading these NFCW STATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NFCW Quarterbacks (Ranked by Passer Rating)
B Purdy – 300/455 (65.9%) 3,864 yds, 8.5 ypa, 20 td, 12 int, 96.1 rtg
M Stafford – 340/517 (65.8%) 3,762 yds, 7.3 ypa, 20 td, 8 int, 93.7 rtg
K Murray – 347/506 (68.6%) 3,609 yds, 7.1 ypa, 17 td, 11 int, 91.1 rtg
G Smith – 387/551 (70.2%), 4,097 yds, 7.4 ypa, 17 td, 15 int, 90.5 rtg
NFCW Rushers (Ranked by Rushing Yards)
K Williams – 316 att, 1,299 yds, 4.1 ypa, 14 td, 5 fum
J Conner – 236 att, 1,094 yds, 4.6 ypa, 8 td, 2 fum
J Mason – 153 att, 789 yds, 5.2 ypa, 3 td, 3 fum
K Walker – 153 att, 573 yds, 3.7 ypa, 7 td, 1 fum
K Murray – 75 att, 550 yds, 7.3 ypa, 5 td, 5 fum
Z Charbonnet – 121 att, 510 yds, 4.2 ypa, 8 td 0 fum
I Guerendo – 82 att, 415 yds, 5.1 ypa, 4 td, 0 fum
B Corum – 56 att, 197 yds, 3.5 ypa, 0 td, 0 fum
NFCW Receivers (Ranked by Receiving Yards)
J Smith-Njigba – 96 rec, 132 tgt, 1,121 yds, 11.7 ypr, 6 td, 1 fum
T McBride – 104 rec, 136 tgt, 1,081 yds, 10.4 ypr, 1 td, 0 fum
G Kittle – 76 rec, 91 tgt, 1,079 yds, 14.2 ypr, 8 td, 0 fum
P Nacua – 79 rec, 106 tgt, 990 yds, 12.5 ypr, 3 td, 0 fum
D Metcalf – 63 rec, 103 tgt, 939 yds, 14.9 ypr, 4 td, 2 fum
J Jennings – 70 rec, 103 tgt, 923 yds, 13.2 ypr, 6 td, 1 fum
M Harrison Jr – 57 rec, 110 tgt, 822 yds, 14.4 ypr, 7 td, 1 fum
C Kupp – 67 rec, 100 tgt, 710 yds, 10.6 ypr, 6 td, 1 fum
D Samuel – 51 rec, 81 tgt, 670 yds, 13.1 ypr, 3 td, 0 fum
T Lockett – 47 rec, 70 tgt, 572 yds, 12.2 ypr, 2 td, 0 fum
M Wilson – 47 rec, 71 tgt, 548 yds, 11.7 ypr, 4 td, 1 fum
T Atwell – 37 rec, 54 tgt, 525 yds, 14.2 ypr, 0 td, 0 fum
My Analysis:
So what does the future of the NFCW hold in store? Who cares.
But for now, let’s reflect on the year that was. Take a look at the NFCW’s highest picked player from the 2024 draft, Marvin Harrison Jr, chosen 4th overall. Let’s see how his first 16 starts stack up against one of the most successful Rookie WRs in the history of the NFCW (2002-present).
As you can see, DK Metcalf’s rookie stats make Marvin Harrison Jr look like a worthless bum riding a wave of bloated hype based on his dad’s Hall of Fame resume. That is despite their vastly different draft status. It seems safe to say that the Seahawks got the better player, at a much lower cost. Perhaps there are other examples of rookie NFCW WR’s with stats that would make Harrison Jr look even less impressive, but I don’t have to include EVERYBODY in these articles you know.
And now, how about your feedback? 2025 awaits us. It’s already off to a lousy start, but tell us you hopes and goals for the New Year in the Comments Section below.
Thank you, and always remember: Kill… Danny… O’neil…………………
